Disgusted.

So, has anyone else ever been at a point in your life where you're just completely frustrated and disgusted by almost every aspect of your existence?

Because that's where I'm at right now, and I'm not sure how (short of a few miracles) to fix it.

Cucumber.

I'm in the sort of mood that is causing me to sit in the dark of my bedroom, staring at my computer screen, attempting to write....while listening to Marilyn Manson and AFI.

Yeah.

Anyhow, funny story....

Chinese Boss-Man was going on and on about the wonders of the Chinese Cucumber yesterday.

So, I was relating the story to Martin...doing the voice, all that...

"Chinese cucumber better than American cucumber....much better flavor....better than English cucumber, too...." (which, come to think of it, can COMPLETELY be taken wrong...)

So, after I get done telling him, Martin just deadpans:

"Why? Are they filled with lead?"

I was crying, laughing.

Just thought I'd share.

I Want To Be Christine!

Last night I went to a friend of mine's house.

She's got like EVERY MOVIE known to man, so I grabbed a few I wanted to bring home to watch.

She convinced me to watch one there with her "because she'd seen in like 40 times, and would totally see it again." So, even though it would effectively have me returning home at like 3am, we popped it in to watch it.

The movie version of "Phantom of the Opera" (Andrew Lloyd Webber's, of course.)

Um, after viewing it, I can safely say that for the first time I was actually PISSED at Christine for not choosing the Phantom!! Even WITH a deformity, that man just Oooooozed sex! Personally, I'd deal with the deformity.

Holy cow!

Anyhow...my friend and I were trying to figure out where we'd seen the guy before...what other movies he'd been in....and thinking that obviously he (as well as Christine) was probably just acting the part, with a voice over doing the singing.

Not so much.

After some research, not only did they BOTH do their own singing for the parts, but the Phantom is the same actor that played King Leonidas in "300".

Um, well no WONDER he ooozed sex!

AND he can sing?

Yes, Please!

So, to prove my point, here are some videos from the movie:

and

Did I mention he's also Scottish?

Cat From Hell?

I think my cat has laryngitis.

Normally, he's loud and obnoxious. Lately he's been quiet.

Then, the other night I hear this...sound...outside my bedroom window.

Anyone seen "The Grudge"? You know when that ghostie/woman/thing is crawling down the stairs? You know that sound that is coming out of her mouth?

Yeah, that's the sound outside my bedroom window.

After a few moments of debating whether or not I wanted to die a horrible death, I went to investigate.

My cat now sounds like a creepy dead girl.

Have NO idea what's wrong with him. He's fine, otherwise. Active, eating...all that jazz.

He just sounds like he's from Hell now.

I Pity His Future Wife

My son, who is newly 2 years old, is laying on the couch.

I hear him say "DAMMIT!"

I look over, and he repeats himself. "DAMMIT!"

I roll my eyes. I guess it could be WORSE swearing. So, I ask him "What are you damning?"

And HE says....

"The remote is up there." (Pointing to the top of the entertainment center.) "I need it on the couch."

Typical man. Already.

The Big Two!

Happy Birthday Jack!

You're 2 now!

Here are some observations about this time in your life:


Your favorite thing to do is talk. You have to name everything, and everyone. You have to point out everything you see to anyone who might be around you, and tell us what it is. If we don't respond right away, you tell us again. Loudly. Until we acknowledge that yes...it IS a wall! (etc.)

You have, for some reason, while having your diaper changed, decided to alternate between saying "Don't touch the penis." and "Don't hurt me!". While I found this hysterical the FIRST few times, if you keep repeating this, I'll never again be able to take you out in mixed company. (And, don't worry internets! He's fine! I have NO idea where he got this. I'm thinking it's maybe because he hates cold diaper wipes?)

You are the most good natured kid I've ever seen. You're always in a good mood. The brief periods of time that you're in pissy moods, it's remarkably easy to get you out of them.

You are quite obviously left handed. I hope this means you're going to be artistic.

You love to eat. I repeat. You LOVE to eat.

You are obsessed with Lawn Mowers. And Weed Eaters. If you hear them outside, you must tell us immediately.

Seeing the Goodyear Blimp above our house nearly sent you into a fit of glee.

You like to do things like this:




You have the bluest eyes and longest lashes I have seen on a kid. I shudder to think of the girls I'm going to have to beat off of you when you get older.

You can sit in a corner quietly and look at a book for ages. This makes me very happy.

You tell me when you want to go to sleep. And then you don't throw a fuss about being shut in a dark room, and you just fall asleep.

You're fascinated with all things Golf. This makes DADDY very happy.

You are very opinionated. I don't know how many times I've been told "No. Put it back."

You want to learn to skateboard. Please let me buy you a helmet first?

You want tattoos. You are fascinated with tattoos. You draw on your body with a ball-point pen and then proudly show us, and say "Tattoo!"

You love being held.

You love playing with water, but you are terrified of sitting in a kiddie pool, or of taking a shower.

You are the cutest 2 year old EVER!



Happy B-Day Jack!

Neglect

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you Internets!

I have been crazy busy trying to finish the book, and working for the insane Chinese folk.
(the wife told me to check for Poo-poo on the mattresses when people check out. Um aside from the ick factor....she actually SAID it like that. "You check for poo poo! Some people...they poo poo! The maids, they come to me and say this guest poo poo! So, you check for poo poo!!" Yeah. YOU try to get through THAT diatribe w/o laughing.)

At any rate, I have not forsaken you. I'm just trying to be creative in other avenues, right now. And after spending hours trying to think of things to write for a novel, it's hard to get motivated to come write in a blog.

*sigh*

Reading Into Things Wrong....

Arianna has a giant stuffed monkey.

So, I hear her yelling at Jack:

"JACK! Quit laying down and choking the monkey!!"


************

Today, a Chinese exchange student asked me for a fork.

Only, what I heard was:

"Excuse me....may I bother you for a F**k?"


Yeah, it's been a day of double-takes.

Checking In...

So, the job is going...well.

The owners crack me up. The wife was in a baaaaaad mood the other day. After a while the husband comes in and tells me "Oh. You no pay attention to her. She moody. She on her period. She always like this when she on her period. You no listen to her!"

Yeah. I have a feeling this job will be good blog fodder.

In other news:

I got a new tattoo. It's not colored in yet, so I'll take a picture when that's done.

I'm still GIVING my friend her tattoos. She wanted more than one. And is trusting me to do them! They still need colored in, as well....so pictures of those to come later.

I am 40k words into my book. As of last night. I'll crank out a couple chapters today, probably. It's coming along! If anyone is interested in reviewing what I have so far, shoot me an email.

That's all I got. It's saturday morning, and I'm just waking up. *yawn*