Sunday, August 13, 2006

Reason #12,475,391.83 To Not Go To Bed Before A Man

I am a really light sleeper when it comes to noises. I can be sound asleep, a spider will fall off a wall downstairs, and I'll wake up. Only noises, tho'. If you poke me, or shake me, or anything like that, I can ignore you, and remain asleep.

Anyhow...last night, at around 2 AM, a noise downstairs woke me up. Just a small click, but it sounded ominous. So, I decided to go investigate. I had gone to sleep before anyone else came upstairs, so who KNEW what disasters lay before me!

Well, let me document them here for posterity...

First off, the noise I heard was the front door opening. Our door has the annoying habit of being opened by gusts of wind, or more often, the neighbor's cat, unless you slam it shut. Apparently it was not slammed shut OR locked last night, because I came down the stairs, the door was wide open, and the neighbor's cat was on the threshold, staring at me guiltily.

EVERY light in the house was on. EVERY light. As I was just waking up, I think I now need a cornea replacement.

The TV was still on, volume full blast, turned to an infomercial. How THIS did not wake me, I do not know. Maybe because it was an infomercial?

The heat was on. Two of the vents in the living room were covered with stuff, one of them being PAPER (!!?!). I went to turn it off (I hate the heat being on), and noticed the thermostat was set to 95 degrees (!!!?!)
The fridge was open.

It looked like a rhino had run through my living room, sat down on the couch, had a large snack, watched some TV, and then left. (Which I suppose isn't far from the truth.)

After I fixed everything and headed back upstairs, I tripped on a shoe that was left in the doorway of my room (not MY shoe), and fell on my face.

Anybody want a roommate?

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