Thursday, March 31, 2005

"But, I'm Special...Rules Don't Apply to ME!!"

This is for Emily....who keeps asking me to POST A NEW BLOG ALREADY!!!

So, martin is supposed to fly to Cali this weekend and next to work at his mom's office, some computer stuff.In his drunken stupor the other night, he lost his license. Kinda' important to have ID when you fly. So, he calls his mom, to have her overnight his birth cert, so he can get a new ID.

Simple enough.

She, in turn, calls the AIRLINE in SACRAMENTO, to ask if he can use a faxed copy of his birth cert, and his work ID, which is photo. They say sure. Okay, fine for the Boarding Pass.

So, she doesn't mail the cert.

Now, anyone who's been to Sac airport knows it's NOT the biggest, most advanced airport in the world. Things that are OK at Sac, probably won't be kosher anywhere else.

But, I digress. She called the AIRLINE, not the AIRPORT. Security checkpoints at the airport require FEDERAL PHOTO ID. Not a faxed Birth Cert and a work ID. I mean, c'mon. Common sense. So, I try to express this, but no one listens to me.

I JUST FLEW ALL OVER THE WORLD IN JUNE. I know the process for getting to the plane. Plus, PDX's security is INSANE. They're like LAX, or something. They take it WAYYY seriously.

So, we're going to drive all the way to PDX, which is like 2 1/2 to 3 hours away, at night, to only have to turn all the way around again. I already know this. But, no one is paying attention to me over here in the corner. Barring some miracle, it's an exercise in futility.

But, what do I know?

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

AH, The Joys of Late Night Television

56 channels, and the only thing on at 2 am is Infomercials, and watching some idiot submerge himself in 20,000 leeches, to set a world record.


Having your name in a book no one reads, is REALLY worth the blood loss.

Why am I up at 2 am, you ask? Well, banks are so great in telling you that things post at midnight, but if you're waiting to see what has or has not posted, you actually have to wait til about 3 am to find out the truth. 12 am, my ass.

Howard Stern....Oh good lord. How far do you have to search to find these people?? "World's Smartest Stripper". Um, yeah.
Question: "Where to Danish People Come From?"
Answer: "What are Danish People?"
Other Answer: "Germany?"
Question: "What does VCR stand for?"
Answer: "Video Tape Player?"

I'm sorry, they may look good naked, but I think I'd rather have brains.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

The Importance of Brakes #2, and Why I Hate Car Jocks

Ok, so yesterday was the day from hell.

I had mentioned how my car needed brakes, and was in the shop, yes?

Well, apparently the idiots at Les Schwab had a defective part, and didn't fix it in time, so the car stayed overnight. Martin was stuck at work, and had a friend come get him. So, he stayed the night at his friends. In the course of that night, he lost my bankcard in a machine because he walked away while it was beeping at him to take it out, got drunk, went to sleep at 3 am, and didn't go to work the next day. So, he left my car up at the area of his work w/o anyway to pay for it, and was not in the area to pick it up, anyways.

So, my day STARTED out relatively uneventful, had to take the cat to the vet, supposed to pick him up at 4:30. So, after I find out the events of the night before, I'm a little PO'd, and call Les Schwab to see when I can go pick up my car. Somehow...They tell me, in a nutshell, it's still not done, they don't have the part, it's not their fault, so they won't give me a break on the price, and oh, you want to complain? *Click* here's the manager. Who tells me the same crap, but that the part is coming, and the car would be done around 1pm. Fine.

So, my friend drives an hour and a half to come get me, we go pick up martin, who I can't even talk to, I'm so mad, and drive to go get the car. Now, it's 3pm by the time we get to Les Schwab. We walk in....guess what? IT'S NOT DONE! They haven't got the part.So, I'm all "what happened to it being done at 1pm, and the part coming from Lake Oswego??"

"Well, I don't know why he told you that"

GAH! So, they say it will be done around 4. We go back to my friend's place, (luckily she lives close to the shop), and wait to call til 4:30. The car is STILL not done. The part they were getting at 4 was the wrong part, and they're "trying to make it work". So, martin, at this point, SCREAMS in the phone "I don't want to hear anymore excuses, GET IT DONE!" *click*So, they call at 5. Car's done. However, I'm a little worried about the "trying to make it work" comment. Am I driving on Jerry-Rigged brakes? Will I have to stop like Fred Flinstone? So, it's past 4:30. My poor cat has to stay the night at the vet. Poor thing. He becomes a Eunich, and gets stuck in a cage all night. He's going to be SOOO pissed at me.The world would be so much easier w/o men.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Necessity of Brakes, and TV Addiction

So, my car has needed new brakes for about a week. It becomes blazingly apparent when you try to stop, and instead get a grinding noise that sounds like a jet engine just started inside your car. However, Martin deemed in necessary to drive all the way to portland and back for work w/ the jet engine noises, for the better part of a week.

Today, he decided to go get them fixed. The guys at the shop tell him that the rotor was nearly gone, because the LACK of a brake pad had been grinding it down for some time. To the point where nothing was really even gripping the rotor. It had worn so thin, it was in danger of breaking off completely, and exposing the vents. Had THAT happened, the wheel would've locked up, and the car would've flipped. Given he drives the freeway everyday, this probably would not have been a good thing. Again, I shake my head in wonder.

Anyhow, on to TV addiction. I admit it, I'm an American Idol junkie. Have been since the first season. (Although last season didn't impress me much. I wasn't a big Fantasia fan. The world only needs ONE Macy Gray.) There are some definate good singers this season, but then there are some people that are there based on personality alone, and listening to them is like fingernails on a chalkboard. It's a sad day for music when a guy who's in a Hard Rock band in real life, decides to sing a friggen' PARTRIDGE FAMILY song on Idol. What the hell? PARTRIDGE FAMILY??? The "Doctor Who" scarf he was wearing was a nice touch, too. ( I realize that most of you didn't have an older brother that subjected you to BBC Sci-Fi throughout the late 70's - 80's. So, I give you this link in comparison:

Dr. Who/Constantine

Anyhow, my vote to get booted this week is Mikhaela a.k.a. "even though i'm a 16 year old from Vegas, I really think I'm a 40 year old Streisand impersonator from Queens". Why is she even there in the 1st place?? She's NOT endearing. She annoys the hell out of me. It's that whole "I think I'm so precious. I'm a CHEERLEADER!! *bat bat of the eyelashes*" vibe. I want to pummel her over the head w/ a skateboard. Anyhow, she can't sing. The whole thing was flat, and in the wrong key. If anyone else gets booted, then apparently America LIKES mini Fran Drescher's. And I will promptly move to Canada.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

The Allure Of Bad Boy Vampires

First off...Martin's Brilliant Move for the Day: He leaves to go get breakfast. 2 seconds later, I hear this HORRIBLE grinding sound coming from outside. The car is emitting some noise straight from the netherworld, and I can't figure out what it is.

As Martin CONTINUES to drive away, w/o stopping to check to see if he's dragging the entire body of the car on the ground, a gigantic white bucket comes shooting out the back. Now, I have a Toyota Celica. It's pretty low to the ground. It's a sports car. A 5 gallon bucket underneath it, being dragged a good block, is PROBABLY not a good thing.

I shake my head in wonder....I really think I should have a "brilliant move for the day" on all daily posts. I know that I will always have material.

With THAT out of the way, back to the topic of bad-boy vampires: In my state of gainful un-employment, I have discovered daytime television. No, NOT soap operas (I have not sunk to that level as of yet), but rather, shows in syndication.

Thusly, I have discovered Buffy & Angel. Now, neither Buffy NOR Angel really interest me. It's ALL about Spike. Good lord, is he ever just.......just.......yeah, i'd gladly go to the dark side. No questions asked.

Although, I'm slightly disappointed to find he's not really british, but I'll survive. So, I'm afraid I'm going to have to shelve Viggo Mortenson from my "famous person clause" in my "contract" w/ martin, and add Spike. (a.k.a. James Marsters).Viggo is still a back-up, but the bad-boy, semi goth, skater / musician vibe that Mr. James gives off is MUCH more intriguing. Kindred Spirits and all...Everyone should really have a famous person clause in their relationships....It gives one hope.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Great Flood (For Emily)

So, my friend Emily was not at work yesterday, and missed my rendition over AIM of this story. It's too classic not to share, so I figure I'll share w/ complete strangers as well!

Now, my other half.....he's brilliant when it comes to computers, but home improvement....well, that's debateable. I, let me rephrase, I KNOW, that I am better at most of it then him. Just my MOTIVATION to crawl on the roof, or under the house, where all the nasty spiders hang out, is a little lacking.

But, I digress....Martin, being a boy, figures he is infallable when it comes to doing anything remotely "mannish". He IS a man, after all...therefore, his word is solid, & he KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING!! So, the other day, a leak develops in my daughter's closet...(the water pipes from the shower intersect in there).

Well, Martin dutifully goes to Home Depot and picks up the necessary parts to "fix" the problem. He decides to fix it after he gets home from work, and it is dark outside. Now, we've never had a problem w/ the plumbing since we've been here, so we never had to seek out the water main. Therefore, we didn't have a clue where it was, and being dark outside, we couldn't find it.

Martin thinks that SOMEHOW it's a reasonable idea to just fix the problem w/ the water on. The water will only spray out a "little bit...It's fine, don't question my word, I'm infallable". I mean, what was I THINKING, questioning his "mannish abilities"? So, whatever, I forsee disaster, and leave the room.

2 seconds later, we have now acquired "Old Faithful #2" in my daughter's closet. The force of the water is coming out so strong, it's physically pushing him out of the closet, so the chances of him getting the bolt on is pretty much not happening. Meanwhile, he's screaming at ME to do something. (Of course, I'm the woman...I fix the messes his "mannish abilities" create) So, I'm running to the neighbors, asking if they know where the water mains are, since SUPPOSEDLY we all have the same setup. We can't find it, Martin is ripping the underskirting of our house off trying to look under the house to find water pipes.....chaos reigns supreme.

TWENTY FRIGGEN MINUTES later, our next door neighbor shows up, and shows us where the water main is. UNDER THE GROUND, under a green plastic cover, which is, OF COURSE, covered by the GREEN GRASS of our front lawn. Brilliant engineers that thought THAT one up. But, again, I digress..... My house is now a flood zone.I've decided we really need to take disaster preparedness courses. We really don't handle ourselves well in emergencies. I remember when we lived in Colorado, our gas furnace's pilot light went out. We didn't know how to re-light it, so we survived the night, with no heat, in NEGATIVE 20 degree weather. Yeah....we need classes....

My Very First Blog Post

I remember growing up, and keeping a "journal" (because saying I wrote in a diary wasn't NEARLY cool enough), and how religious I was about writing in it everyday. So, I hope I carried that gene over into my adulthood, and will be as prolific now, as I was then.I suppose this will be an outlet for things I see throughout the day, whether in real life, or on the net. Usually, I just aim my random thoughts to my friends, but this way they'll live on in posterity for all time! I can be immortal!! Bwah-hahahahah......I assume I'll add posts as story format, since that is generally how I like to write, so this first "official" post is just a disclaimer of things to come.....I hope you all enjoy! Please feel free to leave comments, praise my glory, ridicule me....whatever emotions I invoke in you at the time!