Thursday, December 29, 2005

Pray The Bubbles Don't Pop...Pray The Bubble Don't Pop!!

So, the other day, Arianna comes walking through the room saying something that sounded like "NOW i know what a guy looks like with Bubbles!"

Martin and I looked at each other, wondering if we heard right, and then decided that we didn't, because it really made no sense.

So, later, I was cleaning up, and I found one of those inserts for a Cosmo subscription, and nearly died laughing:




And, should i be worried that she said "NOW" she knows?? Like, she's been actively WONDERING what one looks like??

Maybe i should make sure i throw those things away after they fall out....

Monday, December 19, 2005

It's ALL About the Pronunciation, Honey!

So, Martin and I decided to play "Trivial Pursuit" last night. We got a hankerin' for some board-game goodness...

Martin read me this question (not exact...the card has been lost in the pile of cards, but this is an approximation):

"What socialite drew ire from the public by making shar-pei's bring her espresso maker, gourmet coffee and magazines up to the base camp of Mt. Everest?"

I was so confused.

"Shar-pei's?? She had shar-pei's carry an espresso maker up in the snow?? No WONDER people were pissed. But....SHAR-PEI'S??? Let me see the card!"

SO, I read the card.

"Honey...the word is SHERPAS....NOT shar-peis! Slight difference between the two...
Sherpas are Tibetan Mountaineers...Shar-Pei's are small, wrinkly dogs..."


I had these horrible visions of small dogs dragging their poor, pathetic bodies through the snow, squished under the weight of espresso makers and coffee...

But, yeah...it was mean of her to do it to the Sherpa's too...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I Really Need To Go Shower Now.

Dear Annoying, Violent Tweeker Neighbors:


Do I owe you $19.95? I feel this must be the going rate for amateur pornos...

Also, Can I request that if, in the future, you feel the need to have 1 1/2 hour long bouts of REALLY REALLY LOUD sex, complete w/ room changes, POSSIBLE megaphone usage, and every cliche thing that you can think of to say during said REALLY REALLY LOUD and FRIGHTENINGLY LONG sexual romp, that you PLEASE do it after I take my 5 YEAR OLD daughter to school?

Really...i'm not sure what to say to her when she asks me what the noises are that are coming from ABOVE HER BEDROOM! (and good lord...was that for real?? You should be taping that shit...you could make some serious money.)

That is all.

In Awe,

Your Downstairs Neighbor

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

While Visions Of Sugar Plums

So...
Arianna's class is learning about "different winter celebrations" at school.
Today, they learned about "St. Nick". Apparently, they stuck their shoes in the hallway, and he put candy in them.


She's under the impression that St. Nick and Santa Claus are different men.
"Moooom (insert rollie-eyed voice)....SANTA puts presents under the TREE, and ST. NICK puts them in SHOOOOES!"

So, tonight, she had a mini melt-down, because she wanted me to put a shoe by her bed so he'd give her something.

Dialogue:
Me: Arianna, it's not christmas yet. He's not going to leave you anything.

Arianna: But, it's St. Nick, not Santa. St. Nick leaves presents WHENEVER you put your shoe out...it doesn't have to be christmas!

***
So, great...she's convinced she can get a present any time of year, now.
So, we out-thunk her....
After she fell asleep, I put the following in her shoe:





(if you can't read it, it says: "Dear Arianna- Clean your room, or i'll tell Santa Claus NOT to bring you presents. St. Nick")
PRETTY sure she'll need therapy later, but I think it's hysterical now.
We'll see how it goes over tomorrow.


***Update***

She finally noticed the shoes when she was getting ready for school...
Ari- Mom! What's this in my shoe??

Me- I don't know...let me see....OHhh....It looks like a letter from St. Nick!

A- I TOLD you that he leaves stuff in shoes! What does it say??

M- *reads it to her*

A- I does NOT say that! Where does it say "clean your room"

M- Yes, it does. *shows her again*

A- *silence*.....MAN, St. Nick sure is BOSSY!

*snort*

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Monday, December 05, 2005

I'm So Doomed


So, Arianna gets home from school, and informs me that she's going to change...
Into "Hip Clothes".


("This will be GREAT! I'm going to look SO HIP!!")


So, she comes out in the above ensamble.

After my heart had resumed beating, I informed her that this outfit wasn't particularly "Hip", and she was WAAAAY too young to be dressing like that. (Note the calf high boots!! Totally cute w/ longer skirts, but not so much when paired w/ a semi-mini and a belly top!)
She got offended, and i told her to wait until her dad got home, and get HIS opinion...(HA! He informed her she looked like a tramp, and to go change. *snort*)


So, she was sitting on the couch, looking irritated, and I asked her what she was doing.


"Just sitting here......BEING HIP!"


Oh man...i can't wait 'til she's a teenager. *rolls eyes*

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Arianna-isms

So, I was going through old emails, and i ran across some emails I had sent about funny things arianna had said. She cracks me up:

Age 3: While driving in the car, we hear a solemn voice come from the backseat.

"The Black Cow is burning at Taco Bell....Say Yes."

Martin and I looked at each other and simutaniously said "Yes??"
I half expected her to bust out w/ a pair of bongos, and be wearing a beret. It was a VERY beatnik poetry moment.


Age 4: Martin told her to get in the car, because she was taking her sweet time getting to it, and she looks at him solemnly and says “Dad, you’re oppressing me.”

Age 4: Dialogue:

"Daddy, where did you learn about energy?"
"In School."
"In School?"
"Yes."
"That's where Spartacus learned about it, too."


At which point Martin and I couldn't stop laughing to continue the conversation... SPARTACUS?? I swear she's like a 700 year old in a 4 year old's body!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Happy Friggen Holidays


He looks so annoyed, but I swear this should be an ad for "The Gap" or something.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

About Last Night

So, martin didn't feel good, and was being typically guy-like about it. (IE...grumpy and whiny)

So, i made the mistake of getting on him about something, while sitting on the couch eating dinner, and watching tv.

Next thing i knew, he had flung mashed potatoes at me. (Like using both hands to flick a fork w/ food on it.)

No, he is not 12...although, at that point, i think he may have been.

In utter shock that I actually had mashed potatoes clinging to the side of my face, i was unsure whether to get royally pissed, or start laughing hysterically. I was leaning towards laughing hysterically, but I wanted him to think i was pissed, so i left the room.

I know he was thinking he was in SERIOUS shit, so he came in the room i was in, saying "ok...so the potatoes was a little over the top...."

Uh...YOU THINK??

men.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Theiving Cat Related Coronaries

So, I go into the back bathroom, off my bedroom, and commence bathroom related activities. As I'm sitting there, in the dimly sunlight lit bathroom, i lean my head back, and look up.....to a pair of eyes staring back at me.

I guess, since i nearly pee'd my pants in fear, I was in the right place.

Stupid cat.

We've got these shelves that are right next to the toilet, that go up to the ceiling. He was sitting on the top shelf.

SO, a couple seconds later, i hear him rustling around w/ something up there. Now, this is a shelf I put NOTHING on, because it's so high up, I can't reach it. So, I get the step ladder and peer into the shelf.

I have found the cat's version of a Pirate Treasure Booty. Hair clips, small stuffed animals, socks, various paper things, etc....
Oh well, if anything important goes missing, I know where to look.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Are You SERIOUS??

So, after much begging and pleading from Arianna, I let her watch the 8:00 pm "special" of Spongebob Squarepants.

It was an episode that involved Spongebob forgetting to feed Gary, and Gary packing up a little hobo hankerchief-on-a-stick bag, and leaving town. Then promptly getting "caught" by a seemingly sweet little old lady who feeds him until he discovers dozens of empty snail shells in a hall closet....then he looks at a picture on the wall of the little old lady w/ dozens of snails, and all the picture snails suddenly yell "RUN!!" (this cracked me up).

Anyhow...meanwhile, Spongebob is searching for Gary, with much tears and "I'm SORRY!"s....
I hear a funny sound to my right, and look down at Arianna, and....


SHE'S CRYING!!!!

OVER SPONGEBOB!!!

*rolls eyes*

Oh my sweet lord....

"Um, Let's Stay Home Tonight, Honey.."

So, Greg of TV Guy (a Must-Read, btw), came up with a theory as to why some films don't do better in the box office.

It's all about the titles, people.


Anyhow, he took the time to find both good and bad movies w/ horrible titles, and came up w/ handy categories, etc....Then, he emailed me basically a challenge to find some more. (Right, Greg?)

Well...I'm not attempting to find movies that are GOOD w/ bad titles....all mine fall into his "Films that were terrible AND had bad names..." category. At least I assume they are terrible...based on the names....(SEE? His theory is correct!...or these could just be really terrible)

I went to netflix and looked up movies in two genres..."asian" and "horror".
WHAT A WEALTH OF HORRIBLE TITLES!! Really, i had to look no further.


And without further ado (and in no particular order)...*drum roll, please*....

1. Driving Miss Wealthy- I swear this isn't a porno. It just brings bad visuals of old people, and cars...and porn. Not a good combo.
2. Itchy Heart- Do they make an ointment for that?
3. The Fatal Flying Guillotine- Um...I assume a flying guillotine would be fatal, yes....
4. Inspector Wears Skirts- This falls into the "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" category...Only watch if you are a gay man, or a drag queen. Anyone else will be clawing their eyes out.
5. Woman Demon Human- Cat Dog Fish Horse Cow....the list goes on and on....
6. Attack the Gas Station!- Well, this doesn't seem such a bad idea, what w/ the rising gas prices, and all...
7. Bcuz of U- Anyone else HATE W/ A FORCE BEYOND REASON! when people shorten words like this? How hard is it to just type in the real word???? (and, as a side note...Indians, from India, are notorious for doing this. I mean, half my aim training sessions w/ them, i couldn't understand what the hell they were trying to say because of their attempt at "american slang". The best one was when one guy told my friend, in an attempt to get her to visit India, that "she should cum, she'd really like it". We nearly died. DIED, i tell you!)
8. Seven Days in Coffin- I'd assume that would lead to MANY more days in coffin...
9. Chopin: Desire for Love- Now, I thought "Amadeus" was good...but this is pushing it.
10. Let's Make a Grandson- Anyone else find this dripping in incestious undertones? Anyone??
11. Blood Creature / Werewolf in a Girls' Dorm- This describes every horror movie EVER made. EVER.
12. Blood Orgy of the She-Devils - I'm picturing cheerleaders luring in hapless men...
13. Dracula: Dirty Old Man / Guess What- Um...I really don't even know what to say, here...
14. Monster a-Go-Go! /Psyched by the 4-D Witch- Monster a-Go-Go?? Horror Musical??
15. This Stuff'll Kill Ya / Year of the Yahoo- Is this a hint to stay off the internet?
16. Attack of the Virgin Mummies- Well....I'd be pretty pissed too....
17. Filthy McNastier / Filthy McNastiest- Huh? I swear this isn't a porn, either.
18. I Eat Your Skin/The Undertaker & Pals- Betcha didn't know Jeffrey Dahmer made a film?
19. Toxie: Curse of the Cannibal Confederates- When soldiers go bad...
20. When Puppets and Dolls Attack!- This may be the scariest title EVER!!
21. Satanic Yuppies- Aren't they all?....aren't they all....
22. Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator- Wow...What'd Stephanie do to deserve THAT?
23. Da Hip Hop Witch- This cracks me up. Da Hip Hop Witch, Yo!
24. Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy- Again, Not a Porno.
and my personal favorite....
25. Doggy Poo- Yes, my friends...this is an animated film about a pile of shit. I kid you not.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Baby Swings From HELL!!

Anyhow, Jack a baby swing.

It's great, and he goes to sleep in it, and i couldn't be happier w/ it.

The problem is...at night....when he's sleeping in it next to the bed....the sound that the mechanics of it makes....sounds like someone whispering.

I swear...the first night I really noticed it, it sounded like it was saying "HowYOUdoin?"

Imagine trying to sleep w/ a whispering voice saying "HowYOUdoin?HowYOUdoin?HowYOUdoin?HowYOUdoin?"

OMG...it was both annoying me, and FREAKING ME OUT!

So, now, every night, it's "saying" something different. I think as the batteries wear down, the sound changes. Unfortunately....if i turn off the swing, Jack immediately wakes up.
I'm doomed to hear voices from baby furniture.


This can't be a good sign.

*Update-4:40 am*

So, last night it was "iSEEyou!iSEEyou!iSEEyou!iSEEyou!iSEEyou!iSEEyou!"

My God, I'm living in a horror movie!

Letter To Myself:

Dear Me:

In the future, please do not buy new gaming system while there are still new episodes of favorite tv shows still being produced. You WILL miss them all.

Also, look into whether or not Microsoft has added some form of aerosol crack into their gaming system. This is the only logical reason as to why you'd stay up til 2 am playing video games.

Please do this forthwith.

Thank you, that is all.

Love,
Me

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Fire In The Hole!!

So, last night, Martin decides he wants to cook some steak.

We've got these cast iron skillets, and martin insists on "cleaning" them by just cooking oil in them. (personally, this grosses me out, whether or not this is "how it's done", and I end up washing them normally when he's not looking. Shh....)
Anyhow, he pours oil in a pan, gets a phone call about some computer issue, and LEAVES THE OIL COOKING IN THE PAN.
I'm sitting in the livingroom, and i hear this *POOF*. I look into the kitchen area, and see an eerie orange glow. Uht oh. So, I hastily put the baby down, run into the kitchen, and see a giant pan of flames.


So, i'm screaming "FIRE!", and martin comes running into the kitchen, picks up the frying pan, is holding it out in the middle of the kitchen, screaming "Baking Soda!".

Meanwhile, ALL of the fire alarms in the house have gone off, startling the baby into crying, the cat into histronics, and probably our neighbors wondering what the hell is going on. (I should state that Arianna slept through the ENTIRE commotion.)

I can't find baking soda, martin realizes "cast iron skillet + Fire = HOT!, and sets the pan BACK ON THE STOVE, and it's still flaming. I'm yelling at him to take it outside, not to put it back under WOODEN CABINENTS, and he runs out the back door w/ flaming skillet of death.
It finally went out on the back porch.


I'm guessing our neighbors think we're crackheads.

Martin took it as an Omen to NOT cook, and we had hot pockets for dinner.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Only My Child...

She's on a roll today...

I'm changing Jack's diaper, and we have the following conversation:

Arianna- "So mom, when is he going to start talking?"

Me- "Oh, not for a while yet"

Arianna- "What do you think his first word will be?
"
Me- "I dunno...that's really up to him"


Arianna- "It will probably be something like....No....Yes....Ankylosing Spondylitis...."

Me- *hysterical laughter*

Apparently she's been having a chat w/ my dad about his condition....

Kids Are Easily Impressed

So, I heat up Arianna's kid's meal from yesterday, because she was asleep when Martin brought home "dinner" last night.

So, I pull out the toy (arctic circle gives out cool kids toys) and it's a viewfinder w/ a couple slides.

Arianna is all "OOOH OOH OOOOH!! What a cool toy!!"

I say, yes, it's pretty cool.

She says "WOW! What a GREAT TOY!!!"

*Pause*

"what is it, exactly?"

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Customer Service Abounds

*disclaimer- Stacey, if you were going to blog about this.....well.....sue me. heh.)

Anyhow, the other day, after seeing "Elizabethtown" (which i liked, and stacey didn't...we never really have the same taste in anything. Well, except sci fi/fantasy stuff....and spike...Definately Spike...) we went to go have desert.

I suggested (bad me) that we go to "Ruby Tuesdays", which is like a "TGI Fridays" only w/ better food. So, anyhow...we get this waitress. Perky little blonde thing. Then, i notice ALL the waitresses are perky little blonde things. Now, I guess I'm racist against perky little blondes, because, honestly, they all look alike to me! But, I notice that OUR perky little blonde is wearing a shirt that says "Linfield Girls ROCK!" (riiiiiiight). So, okay, i can track her actions, now.
So, eventually, she comes to take our order, and i order soda, and stacey orders coffee. We get the drinks and our appetizer, and EVENTUALLY, hours (well, maybe not that long) later, she comes to ask us if we want refills. We say yes, and she bounces perkily off. Then she comes back and says to Stacey (no joke!):


"I can't find the coffee. Do you really want a refill? Because, i'll have to brew another pot"'

WTF??

Stacey looks at her oddly, and says yes, she'd really like another cup. To which Ms. Linfield Rocks! says:

"Are you SURE? I mean, REALLY SURE?? Because, I'd have to make another pot....."
Stacey just looks at her. So, she says that fine, she'll go make another pot. Of course, all of this is said all perky and HAPPY! (riiiiiiight).


Then, about 4 minutes later, she comes back w/ a carafe. She says "well, i think i found about a cup of coffee in the back" and pours what looks to be about Two Tablespoons of coffee into Stacey's cup. Stacey just looks at her. The girl then says "oooh, i thought there was MORE than THAT in there. Are you SURE you want another cup? Because, I'd have to go brew another pot...."

At this point, i can tell Stacey has about had it. She told the waitress to forget it, and just bring the check.

So, she brings the check, and Stacey says "is the cup of coffee still on the check?"

Waitress girl says "Oh is it?"

We say "Yes, it's still there"

and waitress girl says...

"OK!" and leaves. LEAVES!! WTF??? Flashing neon sign for you to take cup of coffee off bill, you moronic perky "Linfield Rocks!" girl!!

So, needless to say, she doesn't get a tip. I'm sure she's probably wondering why we didn't give her one, too...

ahhhh, nothing like customer service.....

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Sunday, October 16, 2005

So, I'm Raising An Axe Murderer

So, i bought Arianna a doll that is like a combo of a troll doll and a bratz doll (it's feet come off, instead of shoes, like the bratz)...it's kinda frightening, but it was on sale. so what the hell....

I also got her a toy microwave.

So, we have the following conversation (What is going ON tonight, anyhow??)

Me: "Hey, pick up your doll stuff and take it to your room....Why'd you take her feet off, anyhow?"

Ari: "She's sleeping. She doesn't need her shoes to sleep"

Me: "So, she's feetless and sleeping"

Ari: "Yeah, I took her feet off and stuck her in the microwave." *maniacal laughter*

Is it bad that I encouraged this by laughing? Ha!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Say Wha??

Martin- "Hey Adena...where's the incest at?"

Me- "????!"

Martin- "Incest. Where's it at?"

Me- "???!!!!!??"

Martin- "INCEST! You know the smelly stuff?"

Me- "INCENSE??!"

Martin- *long pause* "Oh man....I was wondering why it sounded wrong!"

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

You Know You Blog Too Much...

When you have a dream that you've been invited to eat dinner at Danny Elfman's, and the reason you're so excited is that you'll get to blog about it later.

I think it was the Pizza I ate before I went to bed....

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Can We Say OW??

Is it bad when your doctor looks at your nipples, and has this reaction?:

*Very Audible Sucking in of Breath* "Ooooooooh.....Yikes!"

You see, I am both breast feeding and bottle feeding Jack. Well, mainly bottle feeding, but at night and in the morning, it's breast feeding. You see, he sleeps w/ us, so it's much easier when he sorta wakes up at night to just pop in a boobie, and he's good to go. He sleeps through the night, I sleep through the night...ahhhh...all is well.

EXCEPT that Jack has thrush. I went to the doc and they prescribed this Nystatin stuff that is this sticky orange liquid i was supposed to squirt in his mouth. Worked great til it ran out. THEN his trush came back. So, I went to the health food store to get him some acidopholous. They told me to buy this infidus bifidus something-a-dus-or-other. So, I've been faithfully sticking that in his bottle. Thrush wasn't getting any better, but not worse either. THEN i do some research. Basically the bacteria i've been feeding him is for the Large Intestine. Acidopholous is something different, and for the small Intestine(and thrush and yeast infections). So, the bastards at the health food store made about 20 bucks off me for live bacteria that isn't helping Jack's thrush, but is probably making him poo really well. Anyhow, Long Story Short(er)....he still has thrush. I bought some acidopholous yesterday, and he's now getting that.

HOWEVER....in the meantime, he passed the thrush to MY NIPPLES!!

This is NOT pleasant. It's like a diaper rash on your boobies. It does not feel good. So, i go to the doc. She prescribes the same stuff that Jack's doc prescribed for his mouth. The EXACT same stuff. So, I'm supposed to slather this sticky, orange junk on my nipples. I could probably jump on a wall, and stay there....stuck by my boobs...like velcro.

Anyhow, I dutifully plaster this stuff on, and....

Oh....My.....God.....

I have now just slathered my nipples in a nice, friendly dose of NAPALM!!!!

Holy cow, this hurts. It better friggen work.

Anyhow, my doc also prescribed birth control...right? So, she prescribes a "mini" pill, since i'm Breastfeeding (and can't take the normal pill). However, apparently, I'm not breastfeeding ENOUGH, and in her words, this pill "might not be THAT effective".

Um...not THAT effective? What the hell is that?? It's like "here this condom has a few holes in it...it may or may not work. HAVE FUN!!"


Martin says he's never having sex again until he's had a vasectomy. I think I may agree with him there.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

What Does She Say at School??

So, last night, I sat down to watch some TV, and drink a little soda.

Arianna was in the kitchen, and martin ran into the bathroom (which is connected to the kitchen. Don't ask me...it's an old house).

Anyhow, apparently, he didn't shut the door, because next thing I knew, Arianna walked into the livingroom, and stated...loudly....

"SO.....Dad has a BIG penis, and Jack has a LITTLE penis....Right?"

Soda hurts when it shoots out your nose.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Maditory Bush Joke

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.

Finally, President Bush looks up and asks:

"How many is a brazillion?"

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Oh...My...God

The "E!" Channel Rocks...

They have this show called "Taradise".

Yep, you got it, Tara Reid's adventures in travelling.

HOW STUPID IS THIS GIRL??

I'm really amazed. Apart from the fact she's the biggest F'in lush in the world, her intellect puts Jessica Simpson to shame.


Example A:
Tara- *Drunken slur* "I think everyone should go eat at that place called 'Antiqua'"
Tara's Brother- "Um, pretty sure that means it's an Antique Store"
Tara- "Oh."


Ahhhh....Thank you "E!", for making me feel so good about myself!

Out of the Mouth of Arianna..

I told Martin's cousin who was visiting from Philly, that he was going to wind up in my blog. The reason being this:

We were all at a family function (martin's uncle, matt "the cousin's," grandpa died, so we were at a get-together).

Anyhow, Matt has this skin tag/mole thing on his finger. It's not really a true mole, because it's not brown. It just this white bump of skin.

Anyhow, arianna was shaking his hand, or something, and she half saw it. So, she was all "what's that", and matt got embarrased, or something, and pulled his hand away, saying "nothing, nevermind".

But, she kept persisting..."lemme see...no LEMME SEE!!"

So, finally, he gave in, and showed her, and she was all matter-of-fact, and said "Oh....it's a nipple" and then went about her business.

Meanwhile, the table erupted into merryment.

Poor Matt. :)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Ah, Local TV Newscasters!

First off, they congratulate some producer on their birthday, by saying "They're the Oldest Beaver in the Studio!"

WHAA??

Then, I realize they're talking about being an Oregon State (Beavers) alumni, but Good God...Do they not realize what comes out of their mouths, sometimes??

Then, they have a "hard-hitting" story about how Oregon and Washington aren't happy about the press they're getting from some Tee-Shirts that are being sold at some local stores. I'm thinking they must be pretty bad to get newsplay. Riiiight. These are the slogans they're all upset about:

Oregon: Come for the Fishing...Stay for the Strippers

and

Washington: WAY less Murders Than Washington D.C.!

Meanwhile, I'm wondering when I can go get me a couple!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Don't Wake Up The Monkey!



I'm convinced that the thoughts that run through my baby's head are similar to those of Stewie, on "The Family Guy".


This is a picture of what he looks like when I attempt to wake him whilst he is sleeping:

Totally a "You'll pay, woman" look.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Kids are Impressionable...

Example #1:

There are these stupid cell phone commercials, I'm not even sure for what provider, that say "Hello, Moto". Well, Martin has taken to calling people on the phone, and when they answer, saying "Hello, Moto".

He's a dork, what can i say.

So, the other day, the kids and I are in Wal-Mart. We're standing in line, it's a busy day at Wally World.


Arianna stands in front of the car-seat, which is attached to the front of the cart, looks at Jack, and says, LOUDLY....

"HELLO, MOFO!!"

I about died.

Martin obviously needs to enunciate more.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Funny, Funny Chillun

Martin has been carpooling to work, so I don't have to drive him. It's been a big relief.
Yesterday, he was at the guy's house that he carpools with, and on my way back into town, i went to pick him up there. He walks out of the house, and he's gotten a haircut at some point in the day. It's like military cut. Barely any hair. Joy.


So, Arianna pipes up in the back "Dad's BALD!!"

She'd undone her seatbelt, so Martin was getting her hooked back in, and this is their conversation:

A- "What did you do to your hair??"
M- "I got it cut"
A- "Who cut it??"
M- "Perfect Look"
A- *pause* "It's really not..."


Martin had already closed the car door, and was halfway around the car before he realized what she'd said. By then, i was already cracking up.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Que??

So, I pull up into my driveway, and get out of the car. There is a small mexican man walking down the sidewalk, stopping every 2.5 seconds and just staring at various things in the neighborhood. After a while of this, i start to get a bit unnerved....he's now stopped directly in front of me and is doing that staring thing.

Then, he walks on past...and I get the baby out of the car. I turn around to check on "mr. starey's" progress, and he's now stopped in the MIDDLE of the street, staring back at me. Then he comes back, walks into my yard and starts talking non-stop to me.....in SPANISH.


Now, I'm the whitest girl on the planet. Seriously, i'm see-through. Red hair, freckles, & I was blasting "Coldplay" in my car when i drove up....See? White girl.

So, what possessed him to start spouting off to me in Spanish, i dunno. So, after a few seconds, he stopped and looked at me expectingly. I assume he asked me a question. So, i just stared at him, baffled, and said...i ENGLISH, mind you, "uh, I don't know?"
So, he said ok, and wandered off...then he turns back, AGAIN, and spouts off what I assume was another question in spanish. This time I was all "uh, i don't speak spanish?" and the light finally dawned in his eyes. "ohhhh....she's a WHITE girl"


Geez.

So, I'm relating this story to martin, wondering why some little mexican man would just assume that ms. whitey-white girl would know Spanish, and he laughs and says "Adena, you've got to be the first redhead in 20 years, in this town, that has NOT gotten together w/ a Mexican".

Cracking up. He's totally right.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I'm So Ashamed...

My cat has a dirty, little secret.

He is a Plushy.

He enjoys stuffed animals.

I try to dissuade him from this bad habit, but he persists.

So, the latest object of his "affection" are these cute little fuzzy sheep that go on Jack's play yard/cradle. (Since he sleeps w/ us every night anyhow, I have no need to buy a fancy crib right now, so I just set up his portable play yard in his room, as it has a bassinet insert.)
Anyhow, Einstein (the Cat) noticed the 3 sheep hanging on the cradle and went ape-shit. It is now his life's ambition to obtain these sheep...

He would sneak in whenever we left the door open, and next thing i knew, there were 3 sheep laying soggily in various areas of the house. After a week or so, of this, I just took the sheep off, and put them in the built-in cupboard in Jack's room. He's not sleeping in the bassinet, so he doesn't need the sheep hanging there, right now. I thought the problem was solved.
Then, last night, I noticed a sheep laying in the play yard. It was a bit soggy. I asked martin why there was a sheep out. He said that the cat had it. So, the cat SENSED that the sheep were in the cupboard, and somehow got INTO the cupboard, which is a miracle in itself, because it's attached to the wall, up HIGH, and the doors were shut. So, how he Houdini'd that, i'm not sure, but he managed to get a sheep.


I don't get it. What's the fascination w/ the damn sheep?? For a while there, all you heard in my house was "LEAVE THE SHEEP ALONE!!" Our neighbors probably think we're insane.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Wow.

For those of you that have never seen a circumcision done....let me tell you, it's not a pretty sight.

If you're male, you may want to turn away and scroll down 'til I'm finished. (w/ your fingers in your ears, singing "lalalalalallaa")

So, my poor baby....I feel bad. All this for the sake of vanity...and not even HIS vanity. His father's and my vanity! His father's because he doesn't want Jack to be different in the locker room...MINE, because I'm a girl...and I know I wouldn't want one of those hooded things coming at me, so I figure none of his future girlfriends will, either. And far be it for me to ruin his sex life later on. ("geez mom, thanks to you, and your decision NOT to get me snipped, i can't get a date!")

Anyhow....i digress...

So, I decided to watch...partly because the only thing keeping me from the field of medicine is my complete inability to add numbers together. You add letters into those equations, and I want to jump off a bridge....but, anyhow, i wanted to see how it was done.

Let's just say it involves needles, a large clamp, and an exacto knife...First they inject numbing stuff into the base of his pee-pee, which causes MAJOR swelling in those areas. THEN, they take these scissor clamps, and clamp the sides of the offending skin.THEN, they take a metal scraper, and scrape under the offending skin, to break any attachements. THEN, they take this metal cup, and stick it under the offending skin to cover the little head of the widdle pee-pee.THEN comes the clamp....which attaches to the base of the pee-pee, on the outside, and is cranked up until it is SQUEEEEEEZING the skin to the bottom of the cup on the inside.THEN they take the exacto knife, and cut the skin from around where they meet up.

Poor thing.....he screamed for about a half hour, solid, after i got him into the car. Then he fell asleep. He's still sleeping...just waiting for him to wake up and scream continuously for the remainder of the day.

Anyhow, the doctor offered me the foreskin. Um...how often does this happen? Do people actually say "yes, let me take that home, and stick it in the freezer to show my son when he's 20....So he can faint at my feet" ? It's like the placenta....please let me take that home, to show the neighbors. What is WRONG w/ people?? Is this a common occurance???

Anyhow....so that was the whole procedure.

And the boys can return to reading now.

Funny sight: I went to McDonalds before i went to pick up arianna from school. The 18 year old, or so, that took my money was straight out of a 70's porno. He had, no joke, a Handlebar Bushy mustache (think bad pornos), and a trucker's Mullet. He thought he was stylin. Is this the new look?? Do 18 year old girls actually think this is sexy?? Because all it inspires from me is the need to laugh hysterically, and then vomit. But, maybe that's just me.

Ugh

Apparently, my alarm clock in the bedroom is an hour ahead.

I am taking martin to work today, because I need to pick up his paycheck to deposit it, and so I dutifully get up at what I THINK is 6:15 to take a shower. (we have to leave at 6:50).
So, I get ready, get Arianna up, get the baby up, dressed and in his carseat, thinking it's around 6:45. Martin's in the shower...and I am watching the news. They sign off, and I look at the little time thing in the corner of their screen.


"5:50? What?!"

So, now everyone is up an hour early.

Lovely.

Now I have to listen to the horrors of "The Wiggles".

Friday, August 19, 2005

Introducing.....!

John Langley Nelson II
(aka: Jack)

Born: August 14, 2005
8 lbs 4 oz 21 inches long
*************************************************************************************
So, I've neglected posting! What's the matter with me? I can't birth a baby, move to a new house, housesit another house, AND write in my blog, all in the same week?? I'm slipping. I promise to do better.


Anyhow, yeah....I had baby Jack on Sunday night. Kinda a funny story....

So, we're house-sitting Martin's Aunt Donna's house. She's great, but picture Elizabeth Taylor in her elder years....That's his aunt. She's the most.....noticible....person i know. But, very sweet and very giving. She's also a State Rep for Oregon, so very public profile....we have to answer the phone for the week we're here. Boy, does she get some interesting calls. Apparently, the crazies think they can call the State Rep and blather on about the conspiricy theories that they have. She warned us, i just didn't realize it was that common.

Anyhow...we hung out here since the tuesday before i had him....i had a false labor scare on tuesday, and it never came to fruition, but we figured we'd hang out close to the hospital, so she said we could stay here. So, we waited....and waited.....

Finally, on sunday, she decided to take her grand-daughter shopping....maybe FIVE minutes after she leaves, I feel this "trickle". Now, keep in mind, when you have an 8 lb baby sitting on your bladder, this isn't too uncommon. But, it didn't feel quite right...so, i was all "um, martin...i think i may have broken my water..." (With arianna, they had to do it in the hospital for me, so i had no idea what it felt like normally). So, he starts to panic.

You have to understand HOW much martin has panicked with this pregnancy. It's hysterical. Stacey and i have been all "breathe, martin...we'll let you know when it's the real thing"
Anyhow....he's all "we have to go to the hospital NOW!"....to whch i'm all "uh, no...there are some things i need to get at Wal-Mart first." (haha). So, off to Wal-Mart we go. I had to get stuff for the hospital, as well as pick up some stuff for the house. (I know, i'm insane). I also figured walking around giant store would be a sure way of figuring out if i was REALLY in labor.

So, the contractions aren't REAL strong, but definately like 4 minutes apart in Wally-World, and we get what we need, and head to the new house. The MINUTE i open the door....*GUSH*... "Uh, martin...now I KNOW my water broke!". So, we throw what I need in the car, and head out. Problem is...Arianna. We have to figure out what to do w/ her. So, we go search for his Aunt. We find her walking out of JC Penny's.....dump Arianna w/ her, and rush to hospital. I get there at 7:30ish. They put me in a room, hook me up to a machine and leave. At THIS point, the contractions freaking HURT. So, i tell martin to go find a nurse and get me some damn drugs. Off he goes. The nurse comes in, checks me, and is all "oh, you're already at 7....i don't think they'll give you drugs". I was all "They did w/ my first....it was just a shot of something, but it helped, and i was at like 9 when they did that" So, she went to go find the doc. She comes in...."Oh, you're at 9 now. We're not giving you any drugs. Call us if you feel like you have to push" And out she goes.

The nurse hangs out in the room, doing whatever, and at this point, i feel like murdering someone. NO DRUGS?? You have GOT to be kidding me. I am in so much pain, i am literally head to toe shaking. Martin is standing at the side of the bed, staring at me like i'm possesed, but at that point, i think i probably was. So, finally I grunt at the nurse that I'm "going to push, damn it" and she runs out and gets the doc. So, she comes in, and Jack arrived in like 5 cycles of pushing. So, hour and half total labor. But, honestly, I think i'd trade that in for a 10 hour labor, as long as they gave me drugs! For all those that bitch about how quick it was, and how lucky i am, grumble-grumble....uh, no. You have to factor in that you have NO PAIN MEDS! It evens out, believe me.

But, he's doing good. He was a little jaundiced, but that's on it's way to getting better, and he's got some funky butt-dimple thing that they want to keep an eye on, in case it's something more serious. But, Martin informed me that he has the same dimple, which he does. Not something I was really looking for, before. But, now that he pointed it out....I'm not worried. Obviously, it's genetic, and is not some spinal deformity thing.

I have gotten little to no sleep the last few days, so I am going to head off to about 4 hours of sleep. Martin told me he'd watch Jack til 2 in the morning, and then there is a shift change. So, I must go get what sleep i can. I will try to keep up on this blog the next week, while we're house sitting, but after that, I'm not sure. We still have to hook up internet in the new place...and we all know how slow the cable company is....

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Whoo-hoo!

Yay! Got a car! Yay!

Went on Craig's List and found a semi-cheapie car....Martin's sis and my parents spotted us some money to pick one up, til we can pay them back in Sept. Phew. THANKS GUYS!!
I feel better now, knowing that if i go into labor, I won't have to WALK 20 miles to the hospital!!
Anyhow, it's nothing spectacular, a 91 Subaru Legacy Wagon....but, I like the subaru wagons. I always have. (Ideally, I'd get a new Outback AWD.) But, it's a car, and it runs, and that's all that matters. Phew!


I have no idea why i'm up at (almost) 4 am. I swear, every night, i get up around this time. It's like an automatic *PING* AWAKE!! I'll crash back to sleep here in a sec. Had to check the bank account. Normally Wells Fargo has everything go through around 3 am, and you can check your balance then, but for some reason on Fridays, it takes longer. They give me semi-heart attacks, because they deduct the money for checks before they show them online, in like this 30 minute-1 hour window, so you go to look at your account, and it's SUBSTANTIALLY lower than it should be, w/ no justification. I'm sure it's just that the check for the deposit on the place went through, and it's not posted online yet....but, still...i have to wait up til 4 to check and make sure. Damn banks.

Anyhow, i'm not very creative this early. Just thought i'd share that I GOT A CAR! WHOOOOO!

"NEW(ISH) CAR 2005....WHOOOOOO!" (and only you Oracle people know what i'm talking about.) :)

Night!

Monday, August 01, 2005

The Wonderful Joys of Being a Fat-Ass

My office chair is broken.

It's missing a wheel. I keep falling to the left everytime I move.
*thunk*


Anyhow...I was thinking today about all those people that say that Pregnancy is the "BEST TIME OF THEIR LIVES!!".

Yeah...they're insane. (sorry, Emily)

I am not a fan. I don't like not being in control of my body, and I don't like feeling like a scene straight out of "Alien".

I feel like doo-doo today. Apparently I can't eat fried food anymore. The parasite tells my body to IMMEDIATELY reject it....which it complies to, in great abundance. This poses a LARGE problem, because:
1. We don't have a Fridge.
2. We don't have a microwave.
3. We NOW don't have a car.
4. Everything w/in walking distance is fast food and/or Wal-Mart.
5. Neither Martin OR I should be walking right now....forseeing either cardiac arrest, or labor.


Joy. God, i can't wait til the 12th...which is when we can actually move into the new place....and it HAS A FRIDGE!! Win-Co, here I come!! I'm going to actually ENJOY grocery shopping, for once!

I feel weird...i really hope it's NOT labor...I got super sick from the fried food, and i'm all achy. I can't remember how I felt w/ arianna. I was so active in THAT pregnancy, and I actually worked the day I had her, mopping a friggen grocery store deli floor at 10 pm, going home, getting labor PAIN, PAIN, PAIN...and going to hospital at 11pm. So, i don't remember how i felt all that day. I was too busy working, and ignoring the obvious, probably. It's harder to do that now, since I'm sitting at home, doing NOTHING, except dissecting every little pain i have.
But, now, since I don't have a car to go to the hospital, and the hospital I'm supposed to go to is about 20 miles away, i have to be DAMN sure it's actually labor before I drag my poor neighbors out of bed to give me a ride. Like i have to be in "screaming bloody murder, threatening to kill martin" pain. I haven't gotten to that point, yet....


Joy.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

This really should apply to me...

Stacey's Humorscope for today:

Time to start looking for a new car. Try to find one with more personality, this time! (And less of a sense of humor.)

That leads me to my day on Friday. (sigh)

After the fiasco of the hospital visit on Thurs Night, Martin decides to go to work on Friday. (We had to go over there, anyhow, to pick up his check, otherwise we would've been in "deep doo-doo")

Anyhow, as we're belting down the highway at about 65mph, i notice my RPM's have suddenly downshifted to ZERO. So, I was all "what the hell happened to the transmission??" We pull off to the side of the road, and realize it was not the transmission, but the car actually died....while going 65mph.

So, we're in a panic. At that point that morning, my contractions were 10-20 minutes apart, and now i'm stranded on the side of a country highway, with no transportation, or way to get martin's check, etc...

So, we find transportation from friends to take martin to work, and me back to my parent's, and then my dad takes me to martin's work to get the check, and Stacey comes to get me and drive me everywhere i needed to go that day. (THANKS STACEY!!)

Anyhow, my poor car, as of today, is still on the side of said country road. We figured out that the timing chain went out. This, on it's OWN, would cost about 700-800 bucks to fix. However, when martin went by the car on friday night, with his cousin, they discovered that the oil has metal shavings in it, which means when the timing chain broke, it sheared off some stuff inside the engine, which means we'd have to rebuild the engine. Uh, no. Too much money. We just need another car.


But, in the meantime, we're in BFE (that's "Bum-fuck Egypt", Stacey), and we have no way, besides the kindness of neighbors, to take me into the hospital, when i go into labor. This poses a problem. I managed to WILL away my 10-20 minute apart contractions, and they seem to have sort-of gone away. However, I was up til 2 this morning playing poker w/ "da boys" again, so I'm sure that didn't help the situation.


WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? Do i need to see some sort of witch doctor to get rid of this bad luck?? Do we have a hex on us, or something??

On the upside, we met up w/ our new landlord on Saturday, and signed the papers for the new place. Phew. At least that's taken care of, and he seems like a pretty cool guy...he's not going to be a landlord Nazi, like the managers of this park. Plus, he's a computer geek, so he can't be too bad.

So.....What today brings, remains to be seen.

Pray for me!

Friday, July 29, 2005

Damn that Mercury!!

I should never ask the question "what next??"

So, martin gets up off the computer, walks a couple feet, drops the cell phone, picks it up, walks another foot, and drops the cell again. At this point, I ask "what are you doing w/ the phone?"...but, i don't think i actually finished the sentance before HE falls on the floor.
I totally thought he was messing w/ me, trying to make me go into labor, or something, so I get up and kinda kick him, and he doesn't respond. So, I turn him over, and his arm is twitching, so I sorta start to panic and i hit him and he looks at me, and is all "what?" Then he's all "What am i doing on the floor?"


So, I say I don't know, why IS he on the floor, and he tells me his chest hurts. I can't find a pulse, but i'm horrible at finding them on arms, so I try on his neck, and i can't feel anything there, either...so, i just laid my hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. It FEELS out of control, SUPER fast, but I thought maybe he was hyperventelating, or having an anxiety attack. I mean, we'd never heard of anyone in his family having any heart defects, other than like clogged arteries, but martin's only 26, so i wasn't really worried about that.
So, i think maybe he's just having heat stroke, too, so he goes to take a cold shower, and I run to the neighbor's to get an ice pack. He gets out of the shower, and is DEATHLY pale, and is all "I think i need to go to the hospital"


So, we go.

He's fully freaking out by the time we get there, in serious chest pain, and they shuttle him back to see the doc right after he checks in. They make me wait in the waiting room for about 10 minutes, and then the nurse comes out to get me, and pulls me into a little alcove to "talk" to me.

Uht-oh...

So, apparently, his heart rate was at 242!! This is an INSANE speed. Seriously. They were talking about it being the fastest they'd seen in a LONG time. Like Years. So, they had to give him some drug that essentially does the same thing as the shock paddles, and he actually was flat lined for about 3 seconds. Thing is, he was concious as he flat lined, so he heard the machine do the "beeeeeeeeeeeeeep" flat line noise, and was all "Oh FUCK!" Then the nurse was all "nonono...that's okay! It will be fine in a second!"

So, after hours and tests, we find out that he actually has a congenital heart defect, that has previously not manifested itself, and now he has to go see a cardiologist.
The heart works this way...there are these electrical "conduits" that go from the top of the heart, and send current down into the main chamber. These conduits have a little timer, essentially, on the end of them, that holds that current for a second, and gives the heart it's "bum....BUMP" rythym.


Apparently, martin has an extra conduit, and it doesn't have that timer. So, every once in a great moon, that conduit sends a current into the main chamber w/o the timing, and it screws up the rythym of the heart. Basically sends the whole thing into hyperdrive, w/o any real rythym.

Fun times.

And it turns out that i couldn't find his pulse, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE ONE!! Once the heart rate reaches around 250, there is no blood pressure. So, thus, no pulse.
Now, until he sees the cardiologist, and gets this thing fixed, he has to give up: caffiene, chocolate, Chinese food (MSG), smoking, alcohol, and has to stop stress, anxiety, and dehydration.


Um, ok.

He lives on Mt. Dew, smokes like a chimney, and it's been REALLY hot the last few days, and he has had MORE than ample reason to be stressed and anxious. So, basically, in the last week, he did everything on the doc's checklist of what NOT to do. So, he's so irritated he has to basically give up EVERYTHING, but I think this scared the crap out of him, so he'll do it.

He was so convinced he was going to die, i think. Either that, or they were going to have to crack his chest open.

The doc was semi-disappointed martin was concious, because they would've shock paddled him if he was unconcious, instead of administering the drug, and i guess they don't shock too many people at that little hospital. So, the doc was all "aww, MAN!" But, martin was all the topic of conversation. "242?? WOW!" I guess that's an impressive heart rate....

So, now i'm WIDE AWAKE. Talk about stress....

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I'd like to accept this Nobel Science Prize....


I've inadvertantly come to a scientific conclusion.


It is thus:


People that have a yellow "Support Our Troops" magnet on thier cars/trucks are PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of driving up to or above the SPEED LIMIT!!
It seems this seemingly innocent magnet is some SUPER VORTEX OF SLOWNESS, and renders the driver's of said cars feet inoperable. When this happens, they apparently can only "rest" said feet on gas pedels, making thier speed an always consistant 45 MPH!!


I swear. Test my theory out. I am a genious...

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Mercury in Retrograde?

This has been the week from hell.....

Stacey says Mecury is in Retrograde, and that means that weird shit happens at a regular pace...
I think i buy that after the last few days!!


So, martin gets a phone call on Sunday morning...His best friend is hysterical on the other end. Just found out that his dad and grandma were killed in an accident outside of Redding, CA on Saturday. His mom and little brother were injured. Apparently she swerved to avoid a car, and rolled down an embankment. So, totally "BOOM" shocker...was not expecting it.

So, this is martin's friend since he was like 6. After martin's dad died, this guy became like a surregate dad. So, yeah...not good, especially after Jay in November.

So, we rush up to see his friend immediately, and martin spends the day doing funeral arrangements, and helping his Best Friend through all the stuff that needed to be done. Sad to say, but we know the routine.

Anyhow, as if that wasn't bad enough, on Monday, martin's over visiting our neighbor's house, who he is really close to. They get a phone call about the neighbor's brother in law. This guy used to live at the neighbor's, so we got to know him pretty well, too...martin hung out w/ him a lot. So, apparently, HE DIES ON MONDAY. He had leukemia, and didn't know about it. Had not been to the doc for a physical in ever, like most guys, and he ended up getting pneumonia, but on top of the leukemia, it killed him.

So, total shocker there, too...no one expected that, no one knew he was sick. He was only like 30-something.

So, martin spent most of the night over there, helping THEM get everything sorted out.

Poor thing, he is totally exhausted, mentally and physically, and I'm sitting here wondering what's next....

Monday, July 25, 2005

What the??

In perusing the news online today, I run across this blurb:

"This is truly a bizarre case," Local 6 News reporter Tarik Minor said. "A naked man is breaking into elderly women's homes, hiding at the foot of their beds, pulling back their covers and tickling their feet and running away."

Full Story

Now, I find this more hysterical than disturbing. I suppose if i was an elderly lady whose feet were being tickled, i might change my opinion. But, until then...HA!

What the hell? Who does this?? People are bizarre....

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Ghost Pic (?)



So, I thought I lost this on the remains of me laptop, but I found it in my email.

I was at the Winchester house a couple years ago, and took loads of pictures.

There were lots of orbs in various pictures, but they don't impress me THAT much, as who knows if they're really orbs, or just dust/water particles.

So, anyhow, this one kinda intrigued me. I drew circles around the orbs (?), but there is also a circle around this...Face...thing...in the doorway.

The thing is, it almost looks like an old lady, with her hair up, and it's REALLY short, and so was the late mrs. winchester. So, who knows.

Opinions? Thoughts? Comments?

Ghost Stories...

Various blogs were talking about ghost pictures, and their ghost experiences, so I thought I'd share, too...


I've had a lot, my friends in Cali say i "attract them". Haha. Yeah, I'm a big, blinking neon light for ghosts. Riiiight. I don't buy that as much as I just went ghost hunting a lot, and ran into some. I'm not scared of them, so maybe i just am more open to dealing w/ that stuff. I have lots of stories. Maybe I'll do a story a post, or something.


Anyhow, Oregon has some crazy ghost sites. One of the best ones was a nursery that's near the town i'm moving back to. It's a giant nursery, that is supposedly built on un-sacred Indian Burial grounds. (where they buried people like murderers, suicides, etc...)


Martin used to do security work there, and we'd go hang out in the middle of the night w/ him. One night, we brought a group of people, and decided to look around. Martin was always talking about the weird stuff that would happen there, so we were intrigued. It was me, another girl, and like 5 boys. When we first got there, the lights on the front door were doing this flickering, weird thing. Electrical currents, big time. The boys took off in one direction, and my (female) friend and I decided to go the other. We walked into this courtyard that is in the center of the building complex. All of the sudden, we could hear this really light, airy music. It wasn't COMING from anywhere....just like it was coming from the air. It was really strange. We turned and looked into the building, and saw this white lady....She was just walking through the building, on the other side of the glass. Translucent, kinda glowy...but, we just watched her. Did NOT feel like she was any sort of threat.


So, then, we hear the guys being really loud, and go to investigate. We see them all huddled together, watching this alcove that's above the front door. IN the alcove there is this....Darkness. It wasn't a defined shape, but it was definately not part of the night. It was darker, than any area around it, and it kept MOVING. The guys were pointing and all excited, and my friend that saw the white lady w/ me kept telling them to stop it, to stop egging it on, that it liked the attention.


They didn't listen to her, and it kept...growing, and getting closer to us. So, all of the sudden, my friend just collapsed. I freaked out, and went to help her up, saying that we needed to get out of there. The black thing didn't really scare me that bad, I knew it was pretty evil, but I was more worried about my friend.


Anyhow, as i went to go help her up, she sat up and looked at me, and it wasn't HER anymore. SHE wasn't behind her eyes....they were almost blank, but there was something there that wasn't...her. Then, she raises her hand to me, to stop me from helping her, and says something in some language that none of us had ever heard before. Then she starts SPEAKING to the dark thing in this language. It started receding into the alcove, and after a while, it disappeared.
After it was gone, my friend came back, for lack of a better explaination. She all of the sudden was back in her skin. She doesn't remember anything that happened, tho, from the time we got there, til the time we left. When it first happened, for one horrible second, i thought it was the black thing that took her over, but when i saw he was still in the alcove, i figured it must've been the white lady. We think she is there to kinda keep the bad spirits in check...and used my friend's body to yell at him, and tell him to leave us alone. That's the only reason I can think of for what happened.


Anyhow, I went back a few nights later. My friend (not martin) that was working security night there that night was freaked out, and wanted me to come down and walk the rounds w/ him. So, we did the rounds kinda uneventfully, UNTIL we got underneath the alcove. He looked up, freaked out, and ran back to the guard shack. I looked up, and saw the dark shape. Only this time I was closer, and I could see his face. Well, what he HAD for a face. It was more like just a blackness, and some eyes. They were not friendly eyes. However, apparently i'm made of stronger stuff than my wimpy security guard friend, because I didn't run. I just sat there and watched him for a little bit, and apparently he got bored that I wasn't scared, and he left.
But, I never went back there again. I'm kinda curious now about what it's like now. I don't know anybody that still works there, tho, so I don't have an "in" to get back in the gates at night.

Too bad.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

War Of The Worlds??

There is some crazy lightening storm going on outside.

Lightening every couple of seconds....BUT THERE IS NO THUNDER. It's just dead silent.
Now, I've never seen "War of the Worlds" (because, I can't stand horse-teeth, "I'm F'in Crazy because I believe alien life particles are in my body, and must be willed out", Tom Cruise), but wasn't this part of that movie? I seem to recall the trailers showing lightening without thunder....riiiight before the giant aliens destroyed everything.


This cannot bode well.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Idiot Men

Martin's so terrified I'm going to go into labor while he's at work, and I won't be able to get to the hospital, that he's been logging in to work from home. This means he has taken over the computer from 8-5.

This leaves me in extreme boredom. I guess I could either:
1) Clean
2) Pack
But, neither option is particularly exciting.


I know, i'm moving in less than a month. This makes me VERY happy. It's a REAL house! (as arianna says "It has Stairs!") I'll be so glad to be out of BFE, and in a house that won't blow away in a hurricane.

As soon as I get photos of it, I will post some, but currently there are people living in it, and I don't think they'd look too kindly on someone snapping photos of them from across the street...
But, this leaves the not so exciting task of packing up all our crap. Now, keep in mind, i'm going to be having a kid in less than 2 weeks, and I'll be moving around the same time. How do i do this to myself?? Anyhow, we'll still have this place until we sell it, so at least we can move slow.
Speaking of that, Martin comes home from visiting the neighbor's, and is all "I think i may have sold the house!"


Then he proceeds to tell me that he told this guy he could have it for ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!


Now, i know he just wants to get rid of it, so we don't have to worry about it, and GRANTED, it's not worth MUCH....but, i'm PRETTY sure it's worth more than ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!

Good god.

So....yeah, we're going to have a discussion about that one.

Men.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Ah, The Sweet Smell of Morning

My lovely, joyous, WONDERFUL daily drive to take martin to work....
I look forward to it, EVERY MORNING, when the alarm goes off at 5 am...


Ahh...good times.

Anyhow, on the way home today, i smell this horrific smell. I figure i passed by some sort of roadkill on the country highway i was on, and it would soon go away. But, no....it still persisted.
Then, i notice that the car in front of me keeps backing away from the truck in front of it....
All of the sudden, my car is enveloped in a fine mist that smells like a mixture of rotten milk, dirty baby diapers, and possibly a few dead people. I have no windshield wiper fluid in my resevoirs, so i can't wipe this mixture off my windshield. PLUS, my vent is on, so the inside of the car got a full hit, as well.


SO, apparently, the giant truck is some hauling some sort of pureed garbage mess (although there are no markings to indicate it's a garbage truck of any sort), and it periodically is LEAKING this mess out onto the highway at like 60 MPH. So, in turn, it's covering the cars behind it in a bath O'crap.

There's no way we can pass on this road, so we have to deal w/ said "bath" for about 7 miles.
Fun times.


Now, in my fat, pregnant state, i have to take my car to one of those "wash your car yourself, you slave" places, and clean my poor garbaged Celica.

Fun Times.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Save Toby!



My friend led me to this site ages ago, and I had forgotten about it.


Save Toby!

I decided to check up on how Toby was doing....I think his "original" demise date was like June of this year... Apparently, that date has changed.


Now...maybe I'm demented (I know, I know...this is rhetorical), but i find this hilarious. If you have time, read his "Updates" section, and check out his hate mail. People take this WAAAAY too seriously.


Honestly, morons, i highly doubt he's serious. It's actually a BRILLIANT marketing plan! Who WOULDN'T want to save a hapless bunny?


Now, I have bunny issues, myself. My crazy sister-in-law (who i hate w/ the intensity of a thousand suns), decided one year to breed rabbits for food. Now, I can't kill animals...i feel bad if i hit a bird w/ my car. So, imagine how traumatized i was to walk into her kitchen, and see about 20 bunnies, lined up on her counter, splayed out, gutted, and partially skinned. Yeah, that was the stuff of nightmares.


Anyhow....for those that don't really deal w/ wildlife....Bunnies do not die quietly. THEY SCREAM LIKE PEOPLE!! Apparently, my crazy sister-in-law convinced my brother that the best way to kill a bunny was to bop it on the head w/ a baseball bat.


So, he tried it....


Well, he wasn't that good at it, to begin with. So, imagine how traumatized AGAIN i was, to be laying in bed, and hear what i assumed to be a PERSON being brutalized outside my bedroom window....


I swear, I'm surprised i don't need therapy...


Anyhow, even w/ all that....I don't worry for the safety of poor Toby.
I'm sure he'll be fine, and get to eat pesticide free carrots for the rest of his bunny-ish life....because his owner is going to make a fortune threatening to kill him.