I Moved to Springfield...

www.simpsonizeme.com

Fun Times.

So.

I started a job this week working the front desk of a motel.

Run by Chinese folk.

It is fast becoming apparent this will be an...interesting...experience.

Apart from the language barrier, they are quite...blunt.

I got in a conversation w/ an ex-employee on the phone. She said that he took her license, looked at it and said:

"You used to be pretty. What happen? Drugs?"

Then he went on to say:

"Oh well. You not as fat as other girl. She huge."
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Luckily he said nothing like that to me.

Only thing he said was "Hotel Industry not pay as much as Software Industry."

Uh. No shit.

Meez.

Miss Ann Thrope is guilty of making me realize this site is out there.



Damn it.

Tho', scary how much this thing represents me!

Creativity

So, one good thing about being unemployed...you know, aside from the pesky little being "broke" factor....

I have over 30,000 words written in my book.

I am learning to Tattoo.

In fact, I'm doing a tattoo today! If it turns out alright, I'll post a pic.

If not, no one will ever see it. (Well, apart from the people that look at my friend's body...)

DONE!!

Well, sort of.

I migrated...but only some. I cut out a LOT...but, kept funny posts, things I wanted to keep.

I have some stuff I need to add later, saved in word. But, um...blogspot sucks when it comes to formatting pictures. I'll do those when I have more time.

Anyhow...

This is my new home, people!

Come visit!!

P.S.
Oh and um....comments. Yeah. Those didn't get migrated. I don't have 20 years free time. Sorry.

This One's For Real!!

I figured I should post a new post, seeing as how the ones below this are currently 2 years old. I still have to sit down and migrate the rest of the old ones, but it's a royal pain in the butt. So, just an FYI, the posts below are from 2005. I did not just have a baby. :) He's nearly 2!! I'm done popping them out, I hope.

So, how's this layout? Hmm..hmmm?

Anyhow, not much new here. Currently in the job searching process.

Oh, and I'm writing a book! I have plenty of time, so I'm plugging away at it. I know where this one is going, so I'll finish it real soon. And then attempt the publishing process. Yikes.

But, I was just checking in...and seeing of which one of you actually are checking out the NEW addy instead of the old.....*hint hint*

I'm Burning....I'm Burning For You....

It's been a while since I've posted a "stupid Martin Trick" story...

So, let me preface this little tale by stating that Martin was in the kitchen making sandwiches. COLD sandwiches.

Now, we have a small kitchen. For some reason, Martin had the front burner of the stove on. Since he was making sandwiches....well, not really necessary. But, regardless....I was looking in the fridge for something, and he was leaning back, being a sarcastic little butt about something.

Did I mention he was leaning back?

Against the stove?

The stove that was ON (for some unknown reason)?

Yeah, I think you see where this is going.

Anyhow, knowing him as I do, I reached back and pushed him forward, saying something along the lines of "Martin, scoot up, you're going to set yourself on fire."

Then, he turned around.

The next words out of my mouth were "In fact....you did. You might want to put yourself out." (Said w/ respective drollness, I might add.)

He craned around to look at his back, said a few choice swear words, and went running, flaming, through our house, trying to extricate himself from the fiery shirt of death. My daughter is screaming, Martin is panicking, I'm in between laughter and minor worry, and his friend, who is visiting, is staring at the whole scene w/ eyes as wide as saucers.

Martin managed to rip off the shirt, throw it on the floor, and both men pounced on it, putting it out w/ myriads of stomps.

Queue laughter.

After we'd managed to breathe again, he looked at me, and said

"You're going to put this in your blog, aren't you?"Oh, you'd better friggen' BELIEVE it!!

You want photographic proof?

Behold:

EXTRA EXTRA!!

READ ALL ABOUT IT!!

TEXAS IS MISSING! TEXAS IS MISSING!!

SEE? I HAVE PROOF FROM THE MEDIA!!

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN???

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Book?

I have a guilty little secret.

I like to read romance novels.

I'm picky about which ones I read. Cowboys do nothing for me, nor do I like cops, firemen, or military types.All in all, modern romances make me roll my eyes, and nearly gag. I'm really not a romantic, most of the time.

However, there is something about the historical ones. Maybe it's some sort of throwback from my youth, of being forced to watch PBS, and countless British Period Dramas....At any rate, I do read the historical ones, and there are some author's that I swear by...that write funny, smart and engaging books.

But, for some reason, a lot of the historical writers seem to get all "purple prose" when it comes to describing the sex scenes. Seriously, sometimes it's so ridiculous, that I sit there and laugh hysterically, when I KNOW that's not the reaction they were trying to invoke. I mean, come on...."her HONEYPOT"??

I ran across one the other day....that actually said "his steaming jet of love." Um, seriously? STEAMING? Does he have a disease??

I swear, sometimes I sit there thinking "Do they REALLY think that was a good description? Could we have not come up with something a little less cheesy?"

So, it's actually become a bit of a joke w/ me and the neighbor girls, as they read a lot of romances, too. If we find a particularly horrible description, we'll immediately relate it to each other, laughing hysterically.

So, tonight, we were out lighting early fireworks for the kids, when one of the girls saw me holding a Roman Candle as it was showering its cascade of sparks from the end. She laughed, and said something about that being a good description for a love scene, and it took us like 2 seconds to come up with THIS winner:

"His Roman Candle of love exploded all over her quivering ground bloom flower" (You know, for a 4th of July themed book.)

Seriously. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

I may have to make a list...