Sunday, July 09, 2006

Because It's Sunday....

I stole this idea from Chase (because she's the coolest EVAH!)

Top 10 Things You will NEVER hear me say:

"Whatever you say, honey. I will not question you, as you are a man, and clearly superior to me. Please, direct my every action. It makes me happy to have someone else run my life, as I clearly do not have the intelligence to do it myself!"

"Walk through that patch of overgrown backyard? CERTAINLY! I love having spiders crawl all over my bare skin. It's very invigorating."

"Oh, I can't eat that pasta. I'm cutting back on my carbs."

"I won the lottery? I'm sorry, but I just can't accept that kind of money. I'm much happier living check to check!!"

"Babysit your children? Sure!! I love having kids know, in ADDITION to my own little hellions. It makes life so much more INTERESTING when they're all destroying things I can't replace...!"

"Really, it's okay that your cat keeps breaking into my house and spraying all over my clean clothes! I LOVE the smell of cat urine! They should really bottle it, it's that great!"

"Oh, please don't turn the air conditioning on. I LOVE it when it's so hot I can fry an egg on my kitchen counter!! It saves me having to do dishes!"

"Hey, Mr. Man, PLEASE keep talking about me in a foreign language. I LOVE it when I can't understand the words that are accompanying your slimy, debaucherous looks!! What a boost to my self confidence, as I find you so incredibly sexy in your dirty, ill-fitting clothes! And the fact that you haven't showered in what appears to be close to a month REALLY turns me on."

"Oh, don't worry about picking up after yourself. I LOVE cleaning up your messes. It makes me feel so useful."

"Please treat me like a pariah, as that will CERTAINLY ensure that I will return to your church! It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy when you blatantly stare at me for ages in the grocery store, and change aisles when you see me coming. I KNOW that just being within a 2 foot radius of me will cause God to smite you, so by ALL MEANS, please act as if I have Ebola! I completely understand!! In fact, I'll just leave the store, so you can continue shopping in peace, without my disgraceful presence around!"

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