Monday, July 17, 2006

Dear Beast Roaming Freely at Wal-Mart:

I realize that backless halter tops were all the rage....LAST SUMMER....but, I believe they were created for women that have perky "A" cup breasts, and weigh close to negative 50 pounds.

However, I'm FAIRLY positive that they were NOT created for a woman of your....stature.

Case in point...when something is designed to stay on by tying a string around your back, I'm pretty sure that said string is not supposed to be SWALLOWED WHOLE by abundant rolls of back-fat.


Seriously.

I wouldn't have known there WAS a string if I didn't know how those shirts work.

Also, if you are pushing a "Z" cup, shirts that let you....err..."hang freely"....PROBABLY should be also overlooked when shopping in the Junior "I couldn't squeeze my fat-ass into this without a crowbar, but I'll SURE TRY!!" section. I'm fairly certain I saw arreola hanging out from under your excuse for a shirt.

Trust me, honey. Good chance this is ONE instance that men won't want to see that.


Also, if you're wearing jeans so tight that your STOMACH has developed a camel-toe...
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE SHOP IN THE PLUS-SIZE SECTION!!!


Wal-Mart has one, you know.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash your image from my brain.

Sincerely,
The shell-shocked woman standing behind you in line

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