Pray The Bubbles Don't Pop...Pray The Bubble Don't Pop!!

So, the other day, Arianna comes walking through the room saying something that sounded like "NOW i know what a guy looks like with Bubbles!"

Martin and I looked at each other, wondering if we heard right, and then decided that we didn't, because it really made no sense.

So, later, I was cleaning up, and I found one of those inserts for a Cosmo subscription, and nearly died laughing:

And, should i be worried that she said "NOW" she knows?? Like, she's been actively WONDERING what one looks like??

Maybe i should make sure i throw those things away after they fall out....

It's ALL About the Pronunciation, Honey!

So, Martin and I decided to play "Trivial Pursuit" last night. We got a hankerin' for some board-game goodness...

Martin read me this question (not exact...the card has been lost in the pile of cards, but this is an approximation):

"What socialite drew ire from the public by making shar-pei's bring her espresso maker, gourmet coffee and magazines up to the base camp of Mt. Everest?"

I was so confused.

"Shar-pei's?? She had shar-pei's carry an espresso maker up in the snow?? No WONDER people were pissed. But....SHAR-PEI'S??? Let me see the card!"

SO, I read the card.

"Honey...the word is SHERPAS....NOT shar-peis! Slight difference between the two...
Sherpas are Tibetan Mountaineers...Shar-Pei's are small, wrinkly dogs..."

I had these horrible visions of small dogs dragging their poor, pathetic bodies through the snow, squished under the weight of espresso makers and coffee...

But, yeah...it was mean of her to do it to the Sherpa's too...

I Really Need To Go Shower Now.

Dear Annoying, Violent Tweeker Neighbors:


Do I owe you $19.95? I feel this must be the going rate for amateur pornos...

Also, Can I request that if, in the future, you feel the need to have 1 1/2 hour long bouts of REALLY REALLY LOUD sex, complete w/ room changes, POSSIBLE megaphone usage, and every cliche thing that you can think of to say during said REALLY REALLY LOUD and FRIGHTENINGLY LONG sexual romp, that you PLEASE do it after I take my 5 YEAR OLD daughter to school?

Really...i'm not sure what to say to her when she asks me what the noises are that are coming from ABOVE HER BEDROOM! (and good lord...was that for real?? You should be taping that shit...you could make some serious money.)

That is all.

In Awe,

Your Downstairs Neighbor

While Visions Of Sugar Plums

So...
Arianna's class is learning about "different winter celebrations" at school.
Today, they learned about "St. Nick". Apparently, they stuck their shoes in the hallway, and he put candy in them.

She's under the impression that St. Nick and Santa Claus are different men.
"Moooom (insert rollie-eyed voice)....SANTA puts presents under the TREE, and ST. NICK puts them in SHOOOOES!"

So, tonight, she had a mini melt-down, because she wanted me to put a shoe by her bed so he'd give her something.

Dialogue:
Me: Arianna, it's not christmas yet. He's not going to leave you anything.

Arianna: But, it's St. Nick, not Santa. St. Nick leaves presents WHENEVER you put your shoe out...it doesn't have to be christmas!

***
So, great...she's convinced she can get a present any time of year, now.
So, we out-thunk her....
After she fell asleep, I put the following in her shoe:




(if you can't read it, it says: "Dear Arianna- Clean your room, or i'll tell Santa Claus NOT to bring you presents. St. Nick")
PRETTY sure she'll need therapy later, but I think it's hysterical now.
We'll see how it goes over tomorrow.

***Update***

She finally noticed the shoes when she was getting ready for school...
Ari- Mom! What's this in my shoe??

Me- I don't know...let me see....OHhh....It looks like a letter from St. Nick!

A- I TOLD you that he leaves stuff in shoes! What does it say??

M- *reads it to her*

A- I does NOT say that! Where does it say "clean your room"

M- Yes, it does. *shows her again*

A- *silence*.....MAN, St. Nick sure is BOSSY!

*snort*

Love That Fuzzy!

I'm So Doomed

So, Arianna gets home from school, and informs me that she's going to change...
Into "Hip Clothes".

("This will be GREAT! I'm going to look SO HIP!!")

So, she comes out in the above ensamble.

After my heart had resumed beating, I informed her that this outfit wasn't particularly "Hip", and she was WAAAAY too young to be dressing like that. (Note the calf high boots!! Totally cute w/ longer skirts, but not so much when paired w/ a semi-mini and a belly top!)
She got offended, and i told her to wait until her dad got home, and get HIS opinion...(HA! He informed her she looked like a tramp, and to go change. *snort*)

So, she was sitting on the couch, looking irritated, and I asked her what she was doing.

"Just sitting here......BEING HIP!"

Oh man...i can't wait 'til she's a teenager. *rolls eyes*

Arianna-isms

So, I was going through old emails, and i ran across some emails I had sent about funny things arianna had said. She cracks me up:

Age 3: While driving in the car, we hear a solemn voice come from the backseat.

"The Black Cow is burning at Taco Bell....Say Yes."

Martin and I looked at each other and simutaniously said "Yes??"
I half expected her to bust out w/ a pair of bongos, and be wearing a beret. It was a VERY beatnik poetry moment.

Age 4: Martin told her to get in the car, because she was taking her sweet time getting to it, and she looks at him solemnly and says “Dad, you’re oppressing me.”

Age 4: Dialogue:

"Daddy, where did you learn about energy?"
"In School."
"In School?"
"Yes."
"That's where Spartacus learned about it, too."

At which point Martin and I couldn't stop laughing to continue the conversation... SPARTACUS?? I swear she's like a 700 year old in a 4 year old's body!