This really should apply to me...

Stacey's Humorscope for today:

Time to start looking for a new car. Try to find one with more personality, this time! (And less of a sense of humor.)

That leads me to my day on Friday. (sigh)

After the fiasco of the hospital visit on Thurs Night, Martin decides to go to work on Friday. (We had to go over there, anyhow, to pick up his check, otherwise we would've been in "deep doo-doo")

Anyhow, as we're belting down the highway at about 65mph, i notice my RPM's have suddenly downshifted to ZERO. So, I was all "what the hell happened to the transmission??" We pull off to the side of the road, and realize it was not the transmission, but the car actually died....while going 65mph.

So, we're in a panic. At that point that morning, my contractions were 10-20 minutes apart, and now i'm stranded on the side of a country highway, with no transportation, or way to get martin's check, etc...

So, we find transportation from friends to take martin to work, and me back to my parent's, and then my dad takes me to martin's work to get the check, and Stacey comes to get me and drive me everywhere i needed to go that day. (THANKS STACEY!!)

Anyhow, my poor car, as of today, is still on the side of said country road. We figured out that the timing chain went out. This, on it's OWN, would cost about 700-800 bucks to fix. However, when martin went by the car on friday night, with his cousin, they discovered that the oil has metal shavings in it, which means when the timing chain broke, it sheared off some stuff inside the engine, which means we'd have to rebuild the engine. Uh, no. Too much money. We just need another car.

But, in the meantime, we're in BFE (that's "Bum-fuck Egypt", Stacey), and we have no way, besides the kindness of neighbors, to take me into the hospital, when i go into labor. This poses a problem. I managed to WILL away my 10-20 minute apart contractions, and they seem to have sort-of gone away. However, I was up til 2 this morning playing poker w/ "da boys" again, so I'm sure that didn't help the situation.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? Do i need to see some sort of witch doctor to get rid of this bad luck?? Do we have a hex on us, or something??

On the upside, we met up w/ our new landlord on Saturday, and signed the papers for the new place. Phew. At least that's taken care of, and he seems like a pretty cool guy...he's not going to be a landlord Nazi, like the managers of this park. Plus, he's a computer geek, so he can't be too bad.

So.....What today brings, remains to be seen.

Pray for me!

Damn that Mercury!!

I should never ask the question "what next??"

So, martin gets up off the computer, walks a couple feet, drops the cell phone, picks it up, walks another foot, and drops the cell again. At this point, I ask "what are you doing w/ the phone?"...but, i don't think i actually finished the sentance before HE falls on the floor.
I totally thought he was messing w/ me, trying to make me go into labor, or something, so I get up and kinda kick him, and he doesn't respond. So, I turn him over, and his arm is twitching, so I sorta start to panic and i hit him and he looks at me, and is all "what?" Then he's all "What am i doing on the floor?"

So, I say I don't know, why IS he on the floor, and he tells me his chest hurts. I can't find a pulse, but i'm horrible at finding them on arms, so I try on his neck, and i can't feel anything there, either...so, i just laid my hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat. It FEELS out of control, SUPER fast, but I thought maybe he was hyperventelating, or having an anxiety attack. I mean, we'd never heard of anyone in his family having any heart defects, other than like clogged arteries, but martin's only 26, so i wasn't really worried about that.
So, i think maybe he's just having heat stroke, too, so he goes to take a cold shower, and I run to the neighbor's to get an ice pack. He gets out of the shower, and is DEATHLY pale, and is all "I think i need to go to the hospital"

So, we go.

He's fully freaking out by the time we get there, in serious chest pain, and they shuttle him back to see the doc right after he checks in. They make me wait in the waiting room for about 10 minutes, and then the nurse comes out to get me, and pulls me into a little alcove to "talk" to me.

Uht-oh...

So, apparently, his heart rate was at 242!! This is an INSANE speed. Seriously. They were talking about it being the fastest they'd seen in a LONG time. Like Years. So, they had to give him some drug that essentially does the same thing as the shock paddles, and he actually was flat lined for about 3 seconds. Thing is, he was concious as he flat lined, so he heard the machine do the "beeeeeeeeeeeeeep" flat line noise, and was all "Oh FUCK!" Then the nurse was all "nonono...that's okay! It will be fine in a second!"

So, after hours and tests, we find out that he actually has a congenital heart defect, that has previously not manifested itself, and now he has to go see a cardiologist.
The heart works this way...there are these electrical "conduits" that go from the top of the heart, and send current down into the main chamber. These conduits have a little timer, essentially, on the end of them, that holds that current for a second, and gives the heart it's "bum....BUMP" rythym.

Apparently, martin has an extra conduit, and it doesn't have that timer. So, every once in a great moon, that conduit sends a current into the main chamber w/o the timing, and it screws up the rythym of the heart. Basically sends the whole thing into hyperdrive, w/o any real rythym.

Fun times.

And it turns out that i couldn't find his pulse, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HAVE ONE!! Once the heart rate reaches around 250, there is no blood pressure. So, thus, no pulse.
Now, until he sees the cardiologist, and gets this thing fixed, he has to give up: caffiene, chocolate, Chinese food (MSG), smoking, alcohol, and has to stop stress, anxiety, and dehydration.

Um, ok.

He lives on Mt. Dew, smokes like a chimney, and it's been REALLY hot the last few days, and he has had MORE than ample reason to be stressed and anxious. So, basically, in the last week, he did everything on the doc's checklist of what NOT to do. So, he's so irritated he has to basically give up EVERYTHING, but I think this scared the crap out of him, so he'll do it.

He was so convinced he was going to die, i think. Either that, or they were going to have to crack his chest open.

The doc was semi-disappointed martin was concious, because they would've shock paddled him if he was unconcious, instead of administering the drug, and i guess they don't shock too many people at that little hospital. So, the doc was all "aww, MAN!" But, martin was all the topic of conversation. "242?? WOW!" I guess that's an impressive heart rate....

So, now i'm WIDE AWAKE. Talk about stress....

I'd like to accept this Nobel Science Prize....

I've inadvertantly come to a scientific conclusion.

It is thus:

People that have a yellow "Support Our Troops" magnet on thier cars/trucks are PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of driving up to or above the SPEED LIMIT!!
It seems this seemingly innocent magnet is some SUPER VORTEX OF SLOWNESS, and renders the driver's of said cars feet inoperable. When this happens, they apparently can only "rest" said feet on gas pedels, making thier speed an always consistant 45 MPH!!

I swear. Test my theory out. I am a genious...

Mercury in Retrograde?

This has been the week from hell.....

Stacey says Mecury is in Retrograde, and that means that weird shit happens at a regular pace...
I think i buy that after the last few days!!

So, martin gets a phone call on Sunday morning...His best friend is hysterical on the other end. Just found out that his dad and grandma were killed in an accident outside of Redding, CA on Saturday. His mom and little brother were injured. Apparently she swerved to avoid a car, and rolled down an embankment. So, totally "BOOM" shocker...was not expecting it.

So, this is martin's friend since he was like 6. After martin's dad died, this guy became like a surregate dad. So, yeah...not good, especially after Jay in November.

So, we rush up to see his friend immediately, and martin spends the day doing funeral arrangements, and helping his Best Friend through all the stuff that needed to be done. Sad to say, but we know the routine.

Anyhow, as if that wasn't bad enough, on Monday, martin's over visiting our neighbor's house, who he is really close to. They get a phone call about the neighbor's brother in law. This guy used to live at the neighbor's, so we got to know him pretty well, too...martin hung out w/ him a lot. So, apparently, HE DIES ON MONDAY. He had leukemia, and didn't know about it. Had not been to the doc for a physical in ever, like most guys, and he ended up getting pneumonia, but on top of the leukemia, it killed him.

So, total shocker there, too...no one expected that, no one knew he was sick. He was only like 30-something.

So, martin spent most of the night over there, helping THEM get everything sorted out.

Poor thing, he is totally exhausted, mentally and physically, and I'm sitting here wondering what's next....

What the??

In perusing the news online today, I run across this blurb:

"This is truly a bizarre case," Local 6 News reporter Tarik Minor said. "A naked man is breaking into elderly women's homes, hiding at the foot of their beds, pulling back their covers and tickling their feet and running away."

Full Story

Now, I find this more hysterical than disturbing. I suppose if i was an elderly lady whose feet were being tickled, i might change my opinion. But, until then...HA!

What the hell? Who does this?? People are bizarre....

Ghost Pic (?)

So, I thought I lost this on the remains of me laptop, but I found it in my email.

I was at the Winchester house a couple years ago, and took loads of pictures.

There were lots of orbs in various pictures, but they don't impress me THAT much, as who knows if they're really orbs, or just dust/water particles.

So, anyhow, this one kinda intrigued me. I drew circles around the orbs (?), but there is also a circle around this...Face...thing...in the doorway.

The thing is, it almost looks like an old lady, with her hair up, and it's REALLY short, and so was the late mrs. winchester. So, who knows.

Opinions? Thoughts? Comments?

Ghost Stories...

Various blogs were talking about ghost pictures, and their ghost experiences, so I thought I'd share, too...

I've had a lot, my friends in Cali say i "attract them". Haha. Yeah, I'm a big, blinking neon light for ghosts. Riiiight. I don't buy that as much as I just went ghost hunting a lot, and ran into some. I'm not scared of them, so maybe i just am more open to dealing w/ that stuff. I have lots of stories. Maybe I'll do a story a post, or something.

Anyhow, Oregon has some crazy ghost sites. One of the best ones was a nursery that's near the town i'm moving back to. It's a giant nursery, that is supposedly built on un-sacred Indian Burial grounds. (where they buried people like murderers, suicides, etc...)

Martin used to do security work there, and we'd go hang out in the middle of the night w/ him. One night, we brought a group of people, and decided to look around. Martin was always talking about the weird stuff that would happen there, so we were intrigued. It was me, another girl, and like 5 boys. When we first got there, the lights on the front door were doing this flickering, weird thing. Electrical currents, big time. The boys took off in one direction, and my (female) friend and I decided to go the other. We walked into this courtyard that is in the center of the building complex. All of the sudden, we could hear this really light, airy music. It wasn't COMING from anywhere....just like it was coming from the air. It was really strange. We turned and looked into the building, and saw this white lady....She was just walking through the building, on the other side of the glass. Translucent, kinda glowy...but, we just watched her. Did NOT feel like she was any sort of threat.

So, then, we hear the guys being really loud, and go to investigate. We see them all huddled together, watching this alcove that's above the front door. IN the alcove there is this....Darkness. It wasn't a defined shape, but it was definately not part of the night. It was darker, than any area around it, and it kept MOVING. The guys were pointing and all excited, and my friend that saw the white lady w/ me kept telling them to stop it, to stop egging it on, that it liked the attention.

They didn't listen to her, and it kept...growing, and getting closer to us. So, all of the sudden, my friend just collapsed. I freaked out, and went to help her up, saying that we needed to get out of there. The black thing didn't really scare me that bad, I knew it was pretty evil, but I was more worried about my friend.

Anyhow, as i went to go help her up, she sat up and looked at me, and it wasn't HER anymore. SHE wasn't behind her eyes....they were almost blank, but there was something there that wasn't...her. Then, she raises her hand to me, to stop me from helping her, and says something in some language that none of us had ever heard before. Then she starts SPEAKING to the dark thing in this language. It started receding into the alcove, and after a while, it disappeared.
After it was gone, my friend came back, for lack of a better explaination. She all of the sudden was back in her skin. She doesn't remember anything that happened, tho, from the time we got there, til the time we left. When it first happened, for one horrible second, i thought it was the black thing that took her over, but when i saw he was still in the alcove, i figured it must've been the white lady. We think she is there to kinda keep the bad spirits in check...and used my friend's body to yell at him, and tell him to leave us alone. That's the only reason I can think of for what happened.

Anyhow, I went back a few nights later. My friend (not martin) that was working security night there that night was freaked out, and wanted me to come down and walk the rounds w/ him. So, we did the rounds kinda uneventfully, UNTIL we got underneath the alcove. He looked up, freaked out, and ran back to the guard shack. I looked up, and saw the dark shape. Only this time I was closer, and I could see his face. Well, what he HAD for a face. It was more like just a blackness, and some eyes. They were not friendly eyes. However, apparently i'm made of stronger stuff than my wimpy security guard friend, because I didn't run. I just sat there and watched him for a little bit, and apparently he got bored that I wasn't scared, and he left.
But, I never went back there again. I'm kinda curious now about what it's like now. I don't know anybody that still works there, tho, so I don't have an "in" to get back in the gates at night.

Too bad.

War Of The Worlds??

There is some crazy lightening storm going on outside.

Lightening every couple of seconds....BUT THERE IS NO THUNDER. It's just dead silent.
Now, I've never seen "War of the Worlds" (because, I can't stand horse-teeth, "I'm F'in Crazy because I believe alien life particles are in my body, and must be willed out", Tom Cruise), but wasn't this part of that movie? I seem to recall the trailers showing lightening without thunder....riiiight before the giant aliens destroyed everything.

This cannot bode well.

Idiot Men

Martin's so terrified I'm going to go into labor while he's at work, and I won't be able to get to the hospital, that he's been logging in to work from home. This means he has taken over the computer from 8-5.

This leaves me in extreme boredom. I guess I could either:
1) Clean
2) Pack
But, neither option is particularly exciting.

I know, i'm moving in less than a month. This makes me VERY happy. It's a REAL house! (as arianna says "It has Stairs!") I'll be so glad to be out of BFE, and in a house that won't blow away in a hurricane.

As soon as I get photos of it, I will post some, but currently there are people living in it, and I don't think they'd look too kindly on someone snapping photos of them from across the street...
But, this leaves the not so exciting task of packing up all our crap. Now, keep in mind, i'm going to be having a kid in less than 2 weeks, and I'll be moving around the same time. How do i do this to myself?? Anyhow, we'll still have this place until we sell it, so at least we can move slow.
Speaking of that, Martin comes home from visiting the neighbor's, and is all "I think i may have sold the house!"

Then he proceeds to tell me that he told this guy he could have it for ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!

Now, i know he just wants to get rid of it, so we don't have to worry about it, and GRANTED, it's not worth MUCH....but, i'm PRETTY sure it's worth more than ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!

Good god.

So....yeah, we're going to have a discussion about that one.

Men.

Ah, The Sweet Smell of Morning

My lovely, joyous, WONDERFUL daily drive to take martin to work....
I look forward to it, EVERY MORNING, when the alarm goes off at 5 am...

Ahh...good times.

Anyhow, on the way home today, i smell this horrific smell. I figure i passed by some sort of roadkill on the country highway i was on, and it would soon go away. But, no....it still persisted.
Then, i notice that the car in front of me keeps backing away from the truck in front of it....
All of the sudden, my car is enveloped in a fine mist that smells like a mixture of rotten milk, dirty baby diapers, and possibly a few dead people. I have no windshield wiper fluid in my resevoirs, so i can't wipe this mixture off my windshield. PLUS, my vent is on, so the inside of the car got a full hit, as well.

SO, apparently, the giant truck is some hauling some sort of pureed garbage mess (although there are no markings to indicate it's a garbage truck of any sort), and it periodically is LEAKING this mess out onto the highway at like 60 MPH. So, in turn, it's covering the cars behind it in a bath O'crap.

There's no way we can pass on this road, so we have to deal w/ said "bath" for about 7 miles.
Fun times.

Now, in my fat, pregnant state, i have to take my car to one of those "wash your car yourself, you slave" places, and clean my poor garbaged Celica.

Fun Times.

Save Toby!

My friend led me to this site ages ago, and I had forgotten about it.

Save Toby!

I decided to check up on how Toby was doing....I think his "original" demise date was like June of this year... Apparently, that date has changed.

Now...maybe I'm demented (I know, I know...this is rhetorical), but i find this hilarious. If you have time, read his "Updates" section, and check out his hate mail. People take this WAAAAY too seriously.

Honestly, morons, i highly doubt he's serious. It's actually a BRILLIANT marketing plan! Who WOULDN'T want to save a hapless bunny?

Now, I have bunny issues, myself. My crazy sister-in-law (who i hate w/ the intensity of a thousand suns), decided one year to breed rabbits for food. Now, I can't kill animals...i feel bad if i hit a bird w/ my car. So, imagine how traumatized i was to walk into her kitchen, and see about 20 bunnies, lined up on her counter, splayed out, gutted, and partially skinned. Yeah, that was the stuff of nightmares.

Anyhow....for those that don't really deal w/ wildlife....Bunnies do not die quietly. THEY SCREAM LIKE PEOPLE!! Apparently, my crazy sister-in-law convinced my brother that the best way to kill a bunny was to bop it on the head w/ a baseball bat.

So, he tried it....

Well, he wasn't that good at it, to begin with. So, imagine how traumatized AGAIN i was, to be laying in bed, and hear what i assumed to be a PERSON being brutalized outside my bedroom window....

I swear, I'm surprised i don't need therapy...

Anyhow, even w/ all that....I don't worry for the safety of poor Toby.
I'm sure he'll be fine, and get to eat pesticide free carrots for the rest of his bunny-ish life....because his owner is going to make a fortune threatening to kill him.

I'm Officially An Idiot

So, we go to play poker at our friend's house, who lives a block or so away, at like 8:00 last night. The goal is to only stay a couple hours. It's a cash game, and there are some people who had never really played before, so we figured it would be a quick game.
Riiiiiiight......
So, martin had re-bought in about 5 times, and was completely busted out by about 12 am. He pouted his way home, and I had told him I'd probably be home soon after.
Riiiiight..... Apparently, I became in tune w/ some sort of inhuman "poker staying power" and played til about 4:30 in the morning. Then the two guys that were still playing, and i decided we probably should just pay out, and not bother waiting to see who won it all. We were getting to the point we couldn't remember what cards we had in our hands. *wait...let me look again.....wait....let me look again...*
Anyhow, me and the host were the only 2 people that had never bought back in all night, and we pretty much split the pot between us, so we consider ourselves the true winners, thank you very much.
So, anyhow, i stumbled back home and crashed, and somehow wound up waking up at 9 in the morning. So, yeah, nothing like 4 1/2 hours of sleep.
Now, you'd think martin would be all "4:30?? what the hell were you thinking??"
But, no... Not martin.
He's all "You got home at 4:30 and woke up at 9?? You're a trooper!!"
and then proceeds to tell me how proud he is of me, and how good i did.
haha...
He's insane, too.
Anyhow, apparently I have to drive in to Mac later to play Cranium w/ some other friends, because we promised them we would, last week.
Bah. I really need to use common sense, and just cash out earlier. But, no....i have to be ultra competitive, and have to prove myself to the boys...

Martin Is Insane!

So, he wakes up the other day, in full panic.
"WHAT TIME IS IT!!"
So, i say it's 5:36 am.
He says "WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP?? I HAVE TO GO TO WORK RIGHT NOW!!"
I say, "at 5:36 in the morning?"
He is all "It's not 5:36. Show me the clock!"
I show him the clock.
He jumps up and runs into the livingroom. I hear the TV turn on to the TV Guide Channel. (to check the time)
He lumbers back into the bedroom.
"You're Right. I Apologize. Keep up the good work."
*thunk* *snore*

It's Official: Murphy Hates Us

Well....
I don't think there is a word that describes my last couple of weeks. At least not one that the english language has come up with, yet. The closest I can come to explaining it in a word, is "Armeggedon".

It all starts a couple days before my birthday. Martin got called in to work on a Saturday, for an emergency. He didn't get out until like 9 pm....so, on the way home, he gets caught in one of the "End of the Month Police Quota BS" pull-overs. Not that big of a deal, going 70 on the freeway. HOWEVER, apparently, w/o us realizing it, his Oregon driving privilidges had been suspended.

He has a Cali driver's license, so we had no idea about the Oregon stuff...he hasn't had an Oregon license in like 7 years. It was suspended for an uninsured accident before we moved out of Oregon, 7 years ago, but the suspension was lifted about 3 years ago, and he got his Cali license. (He couldn't get his cali license w/o that suspension being over w/.) Well, apparently, the insurance company decided we owed them more money, and re-suspended his license w/o notifying us.

Anyhow, since Martin was by himself, they towed my car. So, this was a Sat. Night, and I couldn't get my car back til the following Monday (My B-day).

So, my birthday consisted of spending $300 getting my car out of tow. Add to the fact Martin got a monster ticket, and we're down a couple thousand bucks.Hopefully, when he goes to court, the judge will feel pity on us...However, in the meantime, martin can't drive, and supposedly he can't get his license back til he pays the insurance company another 2k. (although, i think that's BS....he needs to talk to the judge. He should be able to get a hardship license). But, until that happens, i have to drive him to work, EVERY day, which is a 3 hour trip for me (there and back)...so 6 hours driving, every day.

Joy.

So, there was that, and that SHOULD be enough, but NOoooooo.....My OTHER car, which was parked in MY driveway of MY house, was tagged by the police, because it has expired cali tags (by like 2 months). I wasn't driving it, so i had dropped the insurance, so couldn't register it. So, fine. I put insurance back on it, and went to the DMV to get oregon plates. Well, they tell me that i need to bring the car in when i'm bringing a car in from out of state. Fine. I go to take the car in, and it doesn't start. We figure it's some battery/electrical thing, but we need to move the car from where it's at, otherwise the police will tow it. So, we move it to a friend's house, so we can take a look at it in the next few days. This all happened on Monday, the day i had to go get my other car out of tow, so it wasn't major priority for me...Well, the police tag it at my friend's house, THE SAME DAY WE MOVED IT.So, screw it. I just signed it over to the tow company....i don't even want to deal w/ that right now. So, I basically gave our 2nd car away...And you'd think THAT would be enough crap...but, NOoooo.......

The same weekend all this happens, my fridge decides to stop working. It is now HEATING UP the food inside it....so, basically, i can't keep food in the house, and we have to either go to the store when we need to eat, or eat fast food. And it's the middle of hot-ass summer, so i can't keep any cold drinks, either. Now, let's factor in that new fridge's cost around 1k to buy, and i don't even REMOTELY have that, after tow stuff, tickets, insurance crap, etc....So, i don't even know what to do there....and let's add this to the fact that my microwave broke like a month ago, and i never wanted to shell out the money for a new one. So, basically I have a stove....with only One burner that works.

Fine....anything else, Murphy?

Why yes...OF COURSE....So, yesterday, martin drives to our friend's...no biggie, it's a block away. He managed NOT to get pulled over, but he DID drive up on the curb in front of our friend's, and managed to pop the tire, by popping the sidewall. So, even though the tire should be covered by warrenty, i had to buy a new one, because the sidewall popping is not "normal wear and tear" on a tire.That was today....not sure what else will happen the rest of this week...but, i'm assuming it can't be good.