Blank.

Ya know? I have nothing to say, lately.

I know it's been brutally apparent on this blog, and I don't suppose it matters much because I don't think anyone reads me anymore. I'm fairly certain I lost a good portion of my readers when I switched from Typepad to Blogger.

I've been using up all of my creative brain cells writing my book, and my life has been so boring as of late that I have nothing to write about, anyhow.

For the 1.5 visitors I still have out there:

Sorry I suck.

REALLY Bad Product Name

Personally, I like the little product blurb, as well. "Cusp of your Cosmo", eh? Never heard it referred to as THAT before....

Proof Guild Wars was Designed by a Team of 14 year old Boys...

My character...in her "armor".

Now....THAT'S supposed to keep me safe in battle??

And then, there's this....



Yes, I can take off her clothes. Even better, I can get her to dance....in her underwear....


And.....she'll dance for hours, if I'll let her....


Yeah.....Boys.

Oh NO! A New Internet Toy!! Blog by Phone!! OH NOOO!!!

Google Search Fun

What have people been looking for when they've been directed to my blog lately?

I'll tell you:

• Newscaster Nipples - Um...Okay? When have I mentioned this, exactly?
• i have like an orange skin that break off on my nipple what is it? - I don't know, but it doesn't sound good....
• cat laryngitis - This seems to be a RAMPANT problem, because I get people looking for this ALL the time.
• what is the opposite of disgusted? - Thrilled?
• forked house toilet paper - The devil doesn't use toilet paper. It's part of why he's evil.
• tire porn - You, sir, have issues.
• news reporter tickled upon her feet - Which caused the nipples?
• come for the fishing stay for the strippers - That's Oregon.
• alligator in the pond moral - Avoid the pond?
• do you believe in love at first sight have you ever been hurt emotionally - Well, DO you?

and

• choking the monkey - Enough said.
  

Methinks This May Have Been Planned....

BEST HEADLINE PLACEMENT EVER

Things Seen Whilst Driving....

Someone attempting to detail their own car, and make it "Brand Name".

Unfortunately, they must have been looking in a mirror while doing it, because....um, not QUITE right....



Then, while driving at night....a semi driving ahead of me, with his trailer wheels folded in on top of his other ones....well, it made for an interesting rear light display.



At least it was cheerful.

Halloween

Jack does not say "Trick or Treat". He goes up to the door, looks at the person and says "Put the candy in the bag."

It was kind-of funny.

Arianna had fun, at least.

Photo Geek.

My friend and I went out (escaped) today, and drove around aimlessly and took pictures. I've posted some of them on my Flickr.

Disturbing.

My parents are remodeling, which means I've been the recipient of various things over the last few weeks...since my mom is trying to rid herself of some of the decades of accumulation she had built up.

Mostly it's been stuff I can totally use, and I've been looking forward to the day that she picks up Arianna, because it usually means I have a bag of goodies to go through.

So, today I got a bag....

In it:

Some clothes STRAIGHT out of the 80's, that you couldn't pay me to wear.

A rolled up poster. I opened it. It was a picture of Johnny Depp from his 21 Jump Street days. It even said "21 Jump Street" on the bottom. Hysterical.

Then I dig deeper in the bag, and find...

A mason jar filled with hair.

Apparently she kept my hair when I was little.

I'm a little creeped out by this glass jar of hair sitting on my buffet...and wondering WHY on Earth she thought I'd want it.....

News from the "Duh".

Headline:

Researchers: Men taken more seriously than women when crying


Wow.

Hard-hitting, groundbreaking journalism there!!

Dear Annoying Spammers:

When trying to market something that is "guaranteed" to give you "huge erections and stamina" maybe you should NOT send the email from some woman named "Helga".

Because, between you and me....all that name conjures up is a huge woman in a viking cap that could probably decapitate a man with one punch.

And I'm pretty sure that's not the look men are going for when they want "huge erections and stamina".

Or, maybe I'm wrong....

Just something to consider,

Me.

Electricity.

Um, either my house has some SERIOUS wiring issues that just appeared suddenly, or being that it's close to Halloween, I have some mischievous ghostie visiting.

Case in point:

I go to turn on my lights in my kitchen. They don't turn on. I have a fluorescent light fixture in the middle of the ceiling. I try both switches. Nada. So, fine, I turn on the light above my stove, and go about my business.

A while later, I go to heat something up in the microwave.

The INSTANT I open the door to the microwave, and the light inside of it clicks on, so does my overhead light. They turned on simultaneously.

Um, okay.... I stood there standing bemused for a bit.


Then later on in the night, I go up to my bedroom. The light won't turn on. I click the switch a few times. Nada. I figure the light is burnt out, and I fumble my way to the computer to turn it on to use it's light. Soon as it boots on, my bedroom fixture clicks on.

Come to think of it, it turned on me the other day, too.

I was in on the computer. Light switch was clicked off. Sitting there minding my own business, and then the light turned on by itself. I just turned around, said "Well, hello." and went back to typing. Yeah, I don't scare that easily.

Hmm.

Maybe I DO have a visitor!

Seen Today.

A teenage boy who weighed maybe 95 lbs, wearing a tank top that he'd ripped down the sides to expose his knobby ribs- With a fresh new tattoo on his (non-existent) bicep.

What did this new tattoo say, spelled out in Fancy Old English?

"Strong."

Um, sorry to burst your bubble, buddy...but Leonidas you're not.

Woozy.

So, my new job is working in the office of a local manufacturing plant.

Now, the people in the office are normal.

The people in the plant.....well....let's just say they don't drug test at my work.
And half of them look like they've just climbed out of the primordial ooze.

So, today, I had to watch some safety videos with a bunch of the factory people, and so I trudged upstairs, and sat on a bench. Sorta a wobbly bench, but I was on it by myself at that time, and didn't think anything of it.

I'm sorta sick today, too.

Anyhow....up comes two....people.....and they sit down next to me.

Now, let's just state for the record that one of the nicknames of my town is "McMethville" for a reason. And these two definitely belong here.

So, sitting on a wobbly bench with two EXTREME tweekers for 40 minutes....when you're sick....

Yeah.

Fun times.

Gah.

I am the world's worst procrastinator.

That is all.

Rare.

Question!

(and yes....I talk fast....I know. Dammit. I may need a transcript.)

New Discovery.

Seriously amazing singer I just discovered, though he's been around for awhile.

Freaking LOVE him....His name is Matt Nathanson...

Enjoy!

Why Trips to the Store are Never Uneventful....

I don' t know why I insist on going shopping at night.

I always think there will be less people, and I'll be in and out.... and yeah...there ARE less people...

but, unfortunately there are less CHECKERS, as well...and I end up having to wait eons to get out of the place.

So, standing in line tonight, I noticed:

1. There was a guy in jeans that were far, far too tight. Like, "I know what religion you are" tight. And, no...not something a girl really wants to see....ESPECIALLY if the guy weighs like 90 pounds, and has one of those mustaches he has greased and pointed the ends of....like he wants to live in an old Western and be the dastardly villain.

2. There was a college kid walking around in a BRIGHT turquoise, windbreaker material jogging suit. BRIGHT "Ohmygod, My eyes are bleeding!!" Bright....and he had one leg rolled up, one all the way down, and was wearing....a multicolored beanie w/ a propeller on top.

I'm hoping maybe he was being hazed for a fraternity? Because, this IS a college town. But, then it's October. Don't they haze earlier than this?

3. The woman behind me needed to beat her child. NOT that I advocate child abuse, but Jesus Christ! This kid was screaming, grabbing the cart and slamming it into her mom...on purpose, grabbing stuff of endcaps and throwing it on the ground, telling her mom "NO!!" when she told her to calm down....etc etc.

Seriously, lady? If your kid is being THAT out of control, I wouldn't have minded if you tried something a LITTLE more effective than "Please stop, Elizabeth." continuously.


So, now I'm home....decompressing.


and I took this pic of Jack tonight. I am SO in for it when he gets to the dating age.

Huh?

Got this spam email today...

so you look to Design

Hallo. What's up? Email me at (random email) only. I am pretty girl.
 Would you mind me showing some nice pictures of me?
"I hope it will have some effect," you have spoken  the report says. to
 advice relating

Um....K?

Hopeful.

So, for those of you that don't know, I am in the process of writing a book. (Well, 2 books...if you want to be technical. I needed a break from the first, and had a story in my head, so I started another one.)

Anyhow, as I was writing the 1st (which is very nearly finished), I started the whole "what do I do to publish this thing?" search. I decided to go the agent angle, because the major publishing houses do NOT accept un-agented material. So, I went about submitting query letters to agents all over the place.

Everything I've read and looked into says that it's harder to get an agent then it is to get published. They are not willing to take you on unless you can make them some money... understandably.

So, from what I can tell...the process is this:

Submit a query letter. If they are interested, they'll ask for sample chapters, and possibly a synopsis. 95% of manuscripts do not get past the query letter process.

Send the sample chapters. The agent will read them and hopefully ask for the full manuscript. If they ask for the full manuscript, there's a REALLY good chance that they'll take you on as a client. It's nearly impossible to get to this stage. Like 99.9% of manuscripts get rejected after the sample/synopsis is sent in.

Okay, so in my process, I got lots of requests to see samples...and a few "no thanks" after the original query letter. The ones I sent samples in to, I either never heard back from or got polite "it's good, but not what we're looking for" form letters. Whatever....I wasn't expecting anything major...this was my first major attempt at doing something with my writing.

Then I got a request for more material from an agency in NY. It's a HUGE agency...represents John Irving (Cider House Rules) and Dick Francis, as well as a lot of other names. They used to represent Kesey before he died. Basically, a lots of clout agency. So, after I started breathing again, I sent her a synopsis and some sample chapters. I was not expecting to hear anything more from her.

So, fast forward to this weekend...and about a month after I sent her the sample.

I get an email from her telling me that she really likes my writing, and told me to fix a few things and send her the full manuscript. (!!!!!) She said that she would wait for it to be fixed. So, yeah...I've been killing myself with late nights trying to get this thing perfect...so, if you don't see me around here for a while, you know why.

Anyhow, here's the deal. She could've just said no, right? The fact that she's willing to wait for me to make revisions, and did not give me a time frame that I HAD to get it back to her is good, right? I mean, she must think it has potential if she's willing to wait, right?

Help me out here. I'm not sure what to think. I mean, should I get my hopes up...seeing as how it's nearly impossible to get to this step in the process...or is this fairly common?

Does anyone know?

Elvis.

Last night, Arianna was talking about how she had a flea on her earlier in the day.

She said "Yeah, it was like I had a mini Elvis in my pants!"

Martin and I went completely still, and looked at each other...unsure of how to react to that statement coming out of a 7 year old's mouth.

So, Martin slowly asks her..."Um, what's a mini Elvis?"

And she looks at him like he's an idiot, and says:

"Something little that hops around..."

Interview.

My blog buddy, Jessie posted an interview a fellow blogger had given her, and then asked if anyone wanted her to think of some questions for them.

Sure, why not? At least it will give me something to post.

So, here are her questions:


1. When did you realize that (your parent's religion) was a cult, and how exactly did you break away from it? (changed the question up a bit, because I don't need search engine warfare from people that are still in the religion.)

Um, actually...I don't think I ever believed in it. I went along with it all, because it's what everyone expected of me, and I didn't want to disappoint people. But, my heart was never in it. I let my family and my friend's feelings and ideas dictate what I did until I couldn't take it anymore, and I had to get out.

I had a boyfriend that wasn't in the church, and I moved out with him when I was 19. It was a horrible relationship, and a total mistake, but the one good thing that came out of it was that it got me AWAY...and I could finally figure out what I wanted away from everyone's influence falling so heavily on me, and the guilt they threw on me...causing me to make the choices they wanted.

I lost everyone that was important to me with that decision...all my family was in the religion, and 99% of my friends, as well. They were all instructed to never speak to me...to never act like I existed if they saw me on the street. It was hell for a couple of years...I moved away shortly after, so I wouldn't have to deal with it. But, eventually, I just accepted it. I mean, there's still a part of me that misses my family...how they used to treat me...because it's COMPLETELY different now. They talk to me again (although they're not supposed to) but only because of my kids. They talk to me as if I'm just an acquaintance. I'm never invited over, I'm never talked to socially by the people who created me...by my brothers, who I loved completely, and by my nieces and nephews, who I basically helped raise.

It's a sore subject, sometimes.

But, it's been over a decade since I've left, and the funny thing is, my closest friends...the ones I missed the most...they have all now left the religion, and we are all back to being friends like nothing happened. I understand why they disowned me for that period of time...I can't blame them for the decisions they made...because unless you're in that life...you can't understand the IMMENSE pressure that is on you to be perfect, and do what everyone expects of you, for fear of losing everything. But, now they're back in my life, away from all that pressure.

And I'm really glad.


2. All time favorite band: name it

This is hard, because I love SO much music. But, my favorite band is probably Depeche Mode. I can remember listening to them when I was in 1st grade...taping (yes, taping) their songs off the radio, so I could listen to them later.

I've been to countless of their concerts, and even though I don't listen to them ALL that often, I'm still a huge fan. Still one of the faithful.


3. Were you as much into writing before you started blogging, or did the inspiration come when people began to read and like you here on the interwebs?

I've always written, for as long as I can remember. But, it's partially genetic, because both my parents are writers. My dad is more of an artist, and I got that from him, too...but, he's always written stories...humorous little things for me when I was a kid, or sarcastic stuff for grown ups. My mom is the novel writer...and has written over a dozen, at least. (She refuses to publish, though.)

The blog thing is just because it is kind of like a journal, and I had always kept one of those. My writing is my writing, and an entirely different thing, altogether. I don't write like I do on my blog...but, you should know that, Jessie. :)


4. Secret talent? Special powers?

Um, I kick ass at general knowledge trivia? Seriously, people refuse to play Trivial Pursuit or like Jeopardy type games with me. I guess I have the crazy ability to store useless information in my brain. Not really useful, except when you want to sound smart. :)

Powers? No. I can think of a few I want, though.

5. Did you plan on the mommy thing from an earlier age or did it just sort of happen?

Just sort of happened, definitely.

MSG Free!

I got a new job!

I start Monday! No more crazy, rude Chinese bosses!

Now I just have to quit. Ha.

I'm supposed to work tomorrow and Sunday. I'm thinking of taking a 4 day weekend before the new job. Thoughts?

The only bad thing is that I will have NO internet access at the new job. None. I will be cut off from the world for 8 hours a day.

Poo.

Sanity.

I've become addicted to the soundtrack to "300".

I seriously can't get enough of it.

Maybe it's the mood I've been in...

At any rate, I think I've finally started writing again. I got in a state of mind where everything creative was getting zapped out of me before I could do anything about it. Which was slightly scary, because writing has ALWAYS been the one sure fire way I had to make myself sane, and for some reason I lost it for a while there.

I hope it's back.

I think I need a new job.

Or, better yet...I need to become independently wealthy.

I like option #2 better.

New Hobby

My friend Jason has been teaching me to tattoo. He's been the one doing mine, and he knew that I can draw, so he asked if I wanted to learn.

Hell yeah!

So, his wife graciously allowed me to use her leg as a test subject. She wanted leaves, and she didn't want them to be perfectly symmetrical, or anything like that....so, she told me to go ahead and practice on her.

Done!

Go to my flickr page to check them out...they're the 4 pictures of leaves on the very top. I know they're not perfect, but it was my first attempt...and I have to say that tattoo guns are an ENTIRELY different medium to work with, and skin is kind-of a pain in the ass.

But, it's totally fun, and I'm going to keep at it until I get really good.

Write.

New Tattoo.



It's right below my neck, and translates to "Write."

It's the first tattoo I have that actually has a deeper meaning...the rest are just because I liked them. 2 are a shout out to my Irish heritage (shamrock and a Celtic knot)...but, this is the first one that really meant anything.

So, now I have TECHNICALLY Eleven tattoos...only six of those eleven count as one, because they all go together. So, I guess I have 5, if you're being picky.

I really gotta stop...this is like an addiction...

Remember.

This links to my OLD, Typepad Blog...but, I thought I'd repost the 2,996 project thing I did last year.

Don't ever forget the people who died 6 years ago, today...

Remember.

Ten.

It's been a while since I've done a meme, and this is blogger, so it's more annoying than Typepad...in that I can't do an extended entry...but, whatever. I'm bored, and tired of only posting once a week, or so.

TEN FACTS
1.Name- Adena
2.Birth place- Portland
3. Hair Color- Red, normally. Currently a dark shade of Kool-Aid.
4. Hair style- longish and curly
5. Eye color- Sometimes Green, sometimes blue, sometimes gray...sometimes a combo of the 3.
6. Birthday- June 27
7. Mood- Dark.
9. Where do you live? Oregon
10. Lefty / righty? Righty...but, I think like a lefty.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love? Yes
2. Do you believe in love at first sight? Dunno...not going to discount it, but it hasn't happened to me.
3. Why did your last relationship fail? Psychotic Asshole?
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally? Waaay too many times to count.
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart? Yes...but it was necessary.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? That's my M.O.
8. Are you afraid of commitment? No.
9. Have you hugged someone within the last week? Yes
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Well, if it's secret, how the hell would I know??

TEN THIS OR THAT?
1. Love or lust? A bit of both?
2. Hard liquor or beer? I never really drink...but, I hate beer.
3. Cats or dogs? Cats, but I like dogs. You just don't have to babysit cats.
4. A few best friends or many regular friends? Best Friends
5. Television or Internet? Internet, obviously
6. Pepsi or coke? Coke!
7. Wild night out or romantic night in? Romantic, I'm not a big crowd person.
9. Night or day? Night. I love to just sit out in the dark and watch the city lights, or the sky...
10. IM or phone? IM...I'm a better writer when it comes to explaining myself.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out? Yeah, when I was a kid
2. Been skinny dipping? If I did, I have put it out of my memory
3. Done something you regret? Who hasn't?
4. Bungee jumped? No....not a fan of heights.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker? Yes...this is a girl who eats Ice incessantly. I like the crunchies.
7. Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? Oh yeah.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? Not really.
9. Cried because you lost a pet? Yeah, I've lost a lot of kitties...
10. Wanted to disappear? All the time.

TEN PREFERENCES
1. Smile or eyes: Eyes (and if you mix green eyes w/ my answer to #2...I'm a goner.)
2. Light or dark hair: Dark, for sure
3. Hugs or kisses: Both
4. Shorter or taller: Taller!
5. Intelligence or attraction: Intelligence
6. Romantic or spontaneous: Both
8. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship, though I could probably use a hook up or two.
9. Smelly feet or smelly breath? Um, eww? Feet, I guess. You can avoid feet.
10. Sense of humor or looks: Sense of humor!! (Though having both is nice.) :)

Eat Your Colors!

2nd post in a day, but it's a good cause.

So, one of my Internet friends, Jessie, has written a book. Seeing as how I am in the process of doing the same (with TWO books!..Yikes!)...I told her I'd help her out whenever I could.

I did some editing on it, since I'm an English nerd, and also told her I'd spread the word when it was published and ready to go.

Her book is ENTIRELY different than mine are, as it is not fiction. She has written a book about how to get kids to eat healthy. It has a lot of informative information, and also some recipes. I've read it. It's helpful....her kids are like anomalies in a world full of kids who eat crap.

Follow this link *click me!* for information about the book, and how to buy it.

SUPPORT YOUR INTERNET WRITERS! :)

Stupid.

Ok, the job is not putting me in the best frame of mind.

The day before yesterday, the Rude Chinese owners made this big to-do about how if there aren't that many rooms to clean in the morning, that I MAKE SURE that I call one of the maids, and tell them not to come in.

Okay...no problem.

So, the NEXT DAY....we have barely any rooms to clean, so I call one of the maids and tell her not to come in.

Fine. Did what they asked.

ONLY....the NIGHT BEFORE, after I'd been home for a while, apparently the owner decided to do it himself, and didn't bother to leave a note, telling me NOT to call a maid. And of course, he called the other one. So, now NO maids are showing up.

So, he should've left me a note, yes? ESPECIALLY after making a big to do that I make sure I did it in the morning. RIGHT? COMMON SENSE, RIGHT??

Noooo.....he told me I was stupid. That I should've KNOWN that he called a maid off, and EXACTLY which maid.

Um, yes. Because I'm psychic.

Bastard.

Color.

In my mood from hell, I decided to color my hair. I was tired of the washed out red it was becoming.

So, um...I think I went a bit overboard.
(you can click the picture for more detail)




What do you all think?

Disgusted.

So, has anyone else ever been at a point in your life where you're just completely frustrated and disgusted by almost every aspect of your existence?

Because that's where I'm at right now, and I'm not sure how (short of a few miracles) to fix it.

Cucumber.

I'm in the sort of mood that is causing me to sit in the dark of my bedroom, staring at my computer screen, attempting to write....while listening to Marilyn Manson and AFI.

Yeah.

Anyhow, funny story....

Chinese Boss-Man was going on and on about the wonders of the Chinese Cucumber yesterday.

So, I was relating the story to Martin...doing the voice, all that...

"Chinese cucumber better than American cucumber....much better flavor....better than English cucumber, too...." (which, come to think of it, can COMPLETELY be taken wrong...)

So, after I get done telling him, Martin just deadpans:

"Why? Are they filled with lead?"

I was crying, laughing.

Just thought I'd share.

I Want To Be Christine!

Last night I went to a friend of mine's house.

She's got like EVERY MOVIE known to man, so I grabbed a few I wanted to bring home to watch.

She convinced me to watch one there with her "because she'd seen in like 40 times, and would totally see it again." So, even though it would effectively have me returning home at like 3am, we popped it in to watch it.

The movie version of "Phantom of the Opera" (Andrew Lloyd Webber's, of course.)

Um, after viewing it, I can safely say that for the first time I was actually PISSED at Christine for not choosing the Phantom!! Even WITH a deformity, that man just Oooooozed sex! Personally, I'd deal with the deformity.

Holy cow!

Anyhow...my friend and I were trying to figure out where we'd seen the guy before...what other movies he'd been in....and thinking that obviously he (as well as Christine) was probably just acting the part, with a voice over doing the singing.

Not so much.

After some research, not only did they BOTH do their own singing for the parts, but the Phantom is the same actor that played King Leonidas in "300".

Um, well no WONDER he ooozed sex!

AND he can sing?

Yes, Please!

So, to prove my point, here are some videos from the movie:

and

Did I mention he's also Scottish?

Cat From Hell?

I think my cat has laryngitis.

Normally, he's loud and obnoxious. Lately he's been quiet.

Then, the other night I hear this...sound...outside my bedroom window.

Anyone seen "The Grudge"? You know when that ghostie/woman/thing is crawling down the stairs? You know that sound that is coming out of her mouth?

Yeah, that's the sound outside my bedroom window.

After a few moments of debating whether or not I wanted to die a horrible death, I went to investigate.

My cat now sounds like a creepy dead girl.

Have NO idea what's wrong with him. He's fine, otherwise. Active, eating...all that jazz.

He just sounds like he's from Hell now.

I Pity His Future Wife

My son, who is newly 2 years old, is laying on the couch.

I hear him say "DAMMIT!"

I look over, and he repeats himself. "DAMMIT!"

I roll my eyes. I guess it could be WORSE swearing. So, I ask him "What are you damning?"

And HE says....

"The remote is up there." (Pointing to the top of the entertainment center.) "I need it on the couch."

Typical man. Already.

The Big Two!

Happy Birthday Jack!

You're 2 now!

Here are some observations about this time in your life:


Your favorite thing to do is talk. You have to name everything, and everyone. You have to point out everything you see to anyone who might be around you, and tell us what it is. If we don't respond right away, you tell us again. Loudly. Until we acknowledge that yes...it IS a wall! (etc.)

You have, for some reason, while having your diaper changed, decided to alternate between saying "Don't touch the penis." and "Don't hurt me!". While I found this hysterical the FIRST few times, if you keep repeating this, I'll never again be able to take you out in mixed company. (And, don't worry internets! He's fine! I have NO idea where he got this. I'm thinking it's maybe because he hates cold diaper wipes?)

You are the most good natured kid I've ever seen. You're always in a good mood. The brief periods of time that you're in pissy moods, it's remarkably easy to get you out of them.

You are quite obviously left handed. I hope this means you're going to be artistic.

You love to eat. I repeat. You LOVE to eat.

You are obsessed with Lawn Mowers. And Weed Eaters. If you hear them outside, you must tell us immediately.

Seeing the Goodyear Blimp above our house nearly sent you into a fit of glee.

You like to do things like this:




You have the bluest eyes and longest lashes I have seen on a kid. I shudder to think of the girls I'm going to have to beat off of you when you get older.

You can sit in a corner quietly and look at a book for ages. This makes me very happy.

You tell me when you want to go to sleep. And then you don't throw a fuss about being shut in a dark room, and you just fall asleep.

You're fascinated with all things Golf. This makes DADDY very happy.

You are very opinionated. I don't know how many times I've been told "No. Put it back."

You want to learn to skateboard. Please let me buy you a helmet first?

You want tattoos. You are fascinated with tattoos. You draw on your body with a ball-point pen and then proudly show us, and say "Tattoo!"

You love being held.

You love playing with water, but you are terrified of sitting in a kiddie pool, or of taking a shower.

You are the cutest 2 year old EVER!



Happy B-Day Jack!

Neglect

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you Internets!

I have been crazy busy trying to finish the book, and working for the insane Chinese folk.
(the wife told me to check for Poo-poo on the mattresses when people check out. Um aside from the ick factor....she actually SAID it like that. "You check for poo poo! Some people...they poo poo! The maids, they come to me and say this guest poo poo! So, you check for poo poo!!" Yeah. YOU try to get through THAT diatribe w/o laughing.)

At any rate, I have not forsaken you. I'm just trying to be creative in other avenues, right now. And after spending hours trying to think of things to write for a novel, it's hard to get motivated to come write in a blog.

*sigh*

Reading Into Things Wrong....

Arianna has a giant stuffed monkey.

So, I hear her yelling at Jack:

"JACK! Quit laying down and choking the monkey!!"


************

Today, a Chinese exchange student asked me for a fork.

Only, what I heard was:

"Excuse me....may I bother you for a F**k?"


Yeah, it's been a day of double-takes.

Checking In...

So, the job is going...well.

The owners crack me up. The wife was in a baaaaaad mood the other day. After a while the husband comes in and tells me "Oh. You no pay attention to her. She moody. She on her period. She always like this when she on her period. You no listen to her!"

Yeah. I have a feeling this job will be good blog fodder.

In other news:

I got a new tattoo. It's not colored in yet, so I'll take a picture when that's done.

I'm still GIVING my friend her tattoos. She wanted more than one. And is trusting me to do them! They still need colored in, as well....so pictures of those to come later.

I am 40k words into my book. As of last night. I'll crank out a couple chapters today, probably. It's coming along! If anyone is interested in reviewing what I have so far, shoot me an email.

That's all I got. It's saturday morning, and I'm just waking up. *yawn*

I Moved to Springfield...

www.simpsonizeme.com

Fun Times.

So.

I started a job this week working the front desk of a motel.

Run by Chinese folk.

It is fast becoming apparent this will be an...interesting...experience.

Apart from the language barrier, they are quite...blunt.

I got in a conversation w/ an ex-employee on the phone. She said that he took her license, looked at it and said:

"You used to be pretty. What happen? Drugs?"

Then he went on to say:

"Oh well. You not as fat as other girl. She huge."
*
*
*
Luckily he said nothing like that to me.

Only thing he said was "Hotel Industry not pay as much as Software Industry."

Uh. No shit.

Meez.

Miss Ann Thrope is guilty of making me realize this site is out there.



Damn it.

Tho', scary how much this thing represents me!

Creativity

So, one good thing about being unemployed...you know, aside from the pesky little being "broke" factor....

I have over 30,000 words written in my book.

I am learning to Tattoo.

In fact, I'm doing a tattoo today! If it turns out alright, I'll post a pic.

If not, no one will ever see it. (Well, apart from the people that look at my friend's body...)

DONE!!

Well, sort of.

I migrated...but only some. I cut out a LOT...but, kept funny posts, things I wanted to keep.

I have some stuff I need to add later, saved in word. But, um...blogspot sucks when it comes to formatting pictures. I'll do those when I have more time.

Anyhow...

This is my new home, people!

Come visit!!

P.S.
Oh and um....comments. Yeah. Those didn't get migrated. I don't have 20 years free time. Sorry.

This One's For Real!!

I figured I should post a new post, seeing as how the ones below this are currently 2 years old. I still have to sit down and migrate the rest of the old ones, but it's a royal pain in the butt. So, just an FYI, the posts below are from 2005. I did not just have a baby. :) He's nearly 2!! I'm done popping them out, I hope.

So, how's this layout? Hmm..hmmm?

Anyhow, not much new here. Currently in the job searching process.

Oh, and I'm writing a book! I have plenty of time, so I'm plugging away at it. I know where this one is going, so I'll finish it real soon. And then attempt the publishing process. Yikes.

But, I was just checking in...and seeing of which one of you actually are checking out the NEW addy instead of the old.....*hint hint*

I'm Burning....I'm Burning For You....

It's been a while since I've posted a "stupid Martin Trick" story...

So, let me preface this little tale by stating that Martin was in the kitchen making sandwiches. COLD sandwiches.

Now, we have a small kitchen. For some reason, Martin had the front burner of the stove on. Since he was making sandwiches....well, not really necessary. But, regardless....I was looking in the fridge for something, and he was leaning back, being a sarcastic little butt about something.

Did I mention he was leaning back?

Against the stove?

The stove that was ON (for some unknown reason)?

Yeah, I think you see where this is going.

Anyhow, knowing him as I do, I reached back and pushed him forward, saying something along the lines of "Martin, scoot up, you're going to set yourself on fire."

Then, he turned around.

The next words out of my mouth were "In fact....you did. You might want to put yourself out." (Said w/ respective drollness, I might add.)

He craned around to look at his back, said a few choice swear words, and went running, flaming, through our house, trying to extricate himself from the fiery shirt of death. My daughter is screaming, Martin is panicking, I'm in between laughter and minor worry, and his friend, who is visiting, is staring at the whole scene w/ eyes as wide as saucers.

Martin managed to rip off the shirt, throw it on the floor, and both men pounced on it, putting it out w/ myriads of stomps.

Queue laughter.

After we'd managed to breathe again, he looked at me, and said

"You're going to put this in your blog, aren't you?"Oh, you'd better friggen' BELIEVE it!!

You want photographic proof?

Behold:

EXTRA EXTRA!!

READ ALL ABOUT IT!!

TEXAS IS MISSING! TEXAS IS MISSING!!

SEE? I HAVE PROOF FROM THE MEDIA!!

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN???

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Book?

I have a guilty little secret.

I like to read romance novels.

I'm picky about which ones I read. Cowboys do nothing for me, nor do I like cops, firemen, or military types.All in all, modern romances make me roll my eyes, and nearly gag. I'm really not a romantic, most of the time.

However, there is something about the historical ones. Maybe it's some sort of throwback from my youth, of being forced to watch PBS, and countless British Period Dramas....At any rate, I do read the historical ones, and there are some author's that I swear by...that write funny, smart and engaging books.

But, for some reason, a lot of the historical writers seem to get all "purple prose" when it comes to describing the sex scenes. Seriously, sometimes it's so ridiculous, that I sit there and laugh hysterically, when I KNOW that's not the reaction they were trying to invoke. I mean, come on...."her HONEYPOT"??

I ran across one the other day....that actually said "his steaming jet of love." Um, seriously? STEAMING? Does he have a disease??

I swear, sometimes I sit there thinking "Do they REALLY think that was a good description? Could we have not come up with something a little less cheesy?"

So, it's actually become a bit of a joke w/ me and the neighbor girls, as they read a lot of romances, too. If we find a particularly horrible description, we'll immediately relate it to each other, laughing hysterically.

So, tonight, we were out lighting early fireworks for the kids, when one of the girls saw me holding a Roman Candle as it was showering its cascade of sparks from the end. She laughed, and said something about that being a good description for a love scene, and it took us like 2 seconds to come up with THIS winner:

"His Roman Candle of love exploded all over her quivering ground bloom flower" (You know, for a 4th of July themed book.)

Seriously. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

I may have to make a list...